Girl Talk on Yik Yak | some men need to realize that a lot of SAers don’t realize they are SAers. that requires a level of self awareness, reflection, empathy, and education that some people who do that kind of thing truly do not have. they walk around thinking they’re “good”

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Girl Talk 13w

some men need to realize that a lot of SAers don’t realize they are SAers. that requires a level of self awareness, reflection, empathy, and education that some people who do that kind of thing truly do not have. they walk around thinking they’re “good”

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Anonymous 13w

this is why women often don’t just take a guy’s word for it on someone’s character. it’s still not safe.

Anonymous 13w

Exactly. They don’t think it’s as prevalent because they know so many “good guys” yet they don’t understand that a lot of those good guys unknowingly assault people because they don’t know boundaries, can’t take no for an answer, they’re manipulative, or they just act completely different around women.

Anonymous 13w

my dad thinks him SAing me is justified bc he did out of pettiness in response to his own resentment 😂😭

Anonymous 13w

Such a complicated subject. I was SAed by a girl my age in middle school. I know she never has even considered it inappropriate, and that’s not her fault

Anonymous 13w

🗣️Begging your girlfriend and getting her to cave into doing something sexually that she doesn’t actually want to do IS sa 🗣️

Anonymous 13w

Or lying to themselves in order to not feel guilty

Anonymous 13w

And then it causes the issue where since “no man knows any SAers” then women who make accusations “must be lying” since SA is so “rare”. Nevermind the fact that almost every single woman has her own story about SA, and they’re almost always legitimately SA

Anonymous 13w

I completely agree. I also think the lack of some men recognizing what is SA can also create confusion for women trying to figure out why a situation felt wrong and can cause them to internalize the trauma of being SAed because they sometimes don’t even realize they were

Anonymous 13w

my ex told me and genuinely thought that he cared soooo much about consent but then ended up assaulting me. they lack self awareness 🤷‍♀️

Anonymous 13w

I always wonder when I think about it if he knows he did it. We had real feelings and wanted to date then it happened and I dropped him on everything basically immediately. I’m friends with his brother but we never talk when we are in the same room, it always makes me wonder

Anonymous 13w

coughs my ex until i told him he had r*p*d me.

Anonymous 13w

Well said

Anonymous

#3 13w

Same 😭

Anonymous

#6 13w

Omg girl. Pls dm me if you ever wanna chat. It’s not a story I share with anyone irl because it’s too complicated

Anonymous

#10 13w

this might sound silly or unserious but i’m actually speaking really from the heart here: people often view SAers as these ultra-aggressive, rude, asshole-ish criminals terrorizing women on the street, but imagine if we viewed them as serial killers—hiding in plain sight, maybe a “nice” guy, your neighbor, your family member, but secretive & manipulative & deranged behind the scenes. the “in plain sight” criminal profile really just doesn’t encapsulate all SAers.

Anonymous

OP 13w

That’s exactly how I see them and I wish more people saw them that way. My SAer was hiding in plain sight and was super charismatic so no one believed me when I spoke up. And I knew one of my friends’ r*p*st before her SA and he was always super likeable and I always wanted to be friends with him. When I found out what he did to my friend, I was beyond horrified. That’s exactly why I never really trust anyone, but especially men. You never know who they really are until it’s too late

Anonymous

#2 13w

I mean, unknowingly is pushing it. You can recognize a behavior as wrong or hurtful towards someone else and just not care, especially if you believe that person was inherently lesser than you.

Anonymous

#14 13w

i think it happens unknowingly and also happens knowingly but without care

Anonymous

#14 13w

i mean one of the main points of this post is it DOES happen unknowingly. i think this belief that all SAers know what they did was wrong isn’t really productive because when someone doesn’t recognize they did something they can’t take accountability and they won’t correct this behavior. i’m not saying they shouldn’t be accountable—they should 100%—but i genuinely think a lot of SAers don’t know enough about SA out of sheer ignorance to know what they did was SA.

Anonymous

OP 13w

Yeah I think a lot of men downplay the sexual abuse because it’s common “locker room talk” and they think that even if the girl doesn’t want it, it’s fine to keep pushing or to get her drunk or pay for a meal so she feels she owes you etc. bc women are “just difficult” and “she was playing hard to get” or whatever, and they think that justification make rape/sa/coercion okay and if it’s okay then it shouldn’t be called rape/sa/coercion

Anonymous

OP 13w

Like especially the “nice guys” who think their perfect behavior means they are owed sex. “Oh I’m a feminist and I defend women” kind of men but then think that the bare minimum morality means women should sleep with him 🤮

Anonymous

OP 13w

I think ultimately they know what they are doing is wrong but don’t necessarily recognize it as rape if that makes sense

Anonymous

#14 13w

I think the “unknowing” part is more about them not knowing it’s sexual assault

Anonymous

#1 13w

What did he do bro

-3

Anonymous

#3 13w

Nah I feel like there’s a clear line ppl just don’t care

Anonymous

#3 13w

that was middle school, if ur assaulting people in college that is completely on you theres zero excuse

Anonymous

#15 13w

yes that feeling women have of “was that what i think it was, i really feel like that was wrong but is it… that?” and even the denial that sometimes follows. that points to the confusion many people feel about what is okay and what is not okay in that setting.

Anonymous

#17 13w

You don’t know everyone’s situations. She did not know in that moment. Probably still doesn’t. I don’t blame her