Girl Talk on Yik Yak | I just think it’s so insane how whenever women are discussing their sa experience there’s always some bozo like “BUT MEN GET ASSAULTED TOO” like it’s some sort of gotcha moment to invalidate her experience

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Girl Talk 11w

I just think it’s so insane how whenever women are discussing their sa experience there’s always some bozo like “BUT MEN GET ASSAULTED TOO” like it’s some sort of gotcha moment to invalidate her experience

817

Anonymous 11w

It is really aggravating. Nobody said men don’t get assaulted too it’s just at this moment I’m explaining MY experience…

112

😻

Anonymous 11w

if this happened to me i would probably ask about his sa experience

Anonymous 11w

Like yes obviously men can get sa’ed too but that doesn’t take away from the clear trend and problem that over 90% of sa and rape is to women and we are allowed to address that

Anonymous 11w

The only people denying the fact that men get raped is other men

Anonymous 11w

I know like damn didn’t know this was a fucking competition holy shit

Anonymous 11w

real, it shouldn’t be male victims vs female victims, it should be all victims against abusers, and i do think it’s really important for men to talk about their experience and be heard but when another victim is talking about their experience you should be empathizing and listening to them the same way men also deserve to be listened to, all victims, regardless of gender or sex deserve to have their experiences heard and validated and using a victim to invalidate a victim is so infuriating

Anonymous 11w

And guess who they get assaulted by? other men 90% of the time

Anonymous 11w

But when men’s stories of assault are actually talked about, their fellow men are in the comments celebrating the assault as some sort of “testament to his manhood” or some shit like that. It’s so prevalent when boys are SA’d by their female teachers and men comment things like “he’s so lucky that’s every little boys dream” 🤢

Anonymous 11w

If they only bring up men getting assaulted when it to undermine women’s experiences then they don’t care about male victims at all

Anonymous 11w

For me it’s the way it basically never gets brought up EXCEPT in the context of downplaying violence against women

Anonymous 11w

There are some people that don’t deserve to have an opinion (especially controversial) about sa unless they know what it’s like. There are people that legit think sa only qualifies if it’s grape, I personally hate the whole only grape if it’s penetration rule, there should be a separate thing for no penetration since it’s worse than sa

Anonymous 11w

As a girl who has also been sa-ed, I could understand if the girl is generalizing by saying “all men” are like that.. but then again, there’s a time and place:/

Anonymous 11w

in my experience, they don’t even talk about how guys get sa’d too. They bring up how i’m lucky that someone wanted to touch me because they haven’t experienced physical touch from a woman before or in x amount of time. 💀

Anonymous 11w

Yesss! Like yes, men get assaulted, yes women can be the perpetrators (I’m a woman and a man and woman were both involved in my attack), but it’s not about that when someone is sharing, like you aren’t helping. It feels like you are one-upping or arguing against someone’s experience. She didn’t say men don’t get attacked, she said I personally was attacked. It’s not the time for a debate, we need to support each other

Anonymous 11w

because yea they’re right, men get assaulted too. PEOPLE get assaulted. so what are u trying to prove like who’s team are u on dude.

Anonymous 11w

If a person only cares about male sexual assault victims when trying to undermine women’s issues, they never cared about any of the victims at all.

Anonymous 11w

I’m a trans girl that was sa’d by a cis woman before I fully realized I wanted to transition and was still in boy mode. I would never invalidate someone’s experience though, SA regardless of who you are sucks and changes how you view things forever

Anonymous 11w

yea it’s crazy. I wish the gender wars would just stop and we could be team bad/ team solid person. or in this case team victim/ not assaulter

Anonymous 11w

Worst part is when you tell someone about your experience and the bitch fries to one up you with her story, like Cathy yours was 20 years ago… mine was last week, pipe down. This might have just happened

-2

Anonymous

#1 11w

I just see it way too much online especially on instagram and it usually is followed by their sa experience which is obviously sad but I just don’t understand why they feel the need to invalidate because usually their sa was from a woman which, again, very sad and nobody should go through that but it just feels like they’re trying to shift the conversation/blame but only when it benefits them and then otherwise they don’t discuss it

Anonymous

OP 11w

yea it’s the same energy as white lives matter

Anonymous

#3 11w

Or actually I should say “women and girls” sadly

Anonymous

#7 11w

Wait I just looked it up and you’re actually right, I didn’t know that

Anonymous

#6 11w

my mom denies it, she thinks men are “too strong” to be SA’ed. It’s not just men

Anonymous

#12 11w

Women indoctrinated by the patriarchal mindset pushed by conservative media as “traditional” values instead of what they are, medieval values

Anonymous

#12 11w

You knew what I meant

Anonymous

#3 11w

also most men who are SA’ed are SA’ed by other men. like we’re on the same side here buddy, men shouldn’t be raping anyone 😭

Anonymous

#7 11w

this!! like we are all fighting the same fight here, men shouldn’t be raping anyone

Anonymous

#6 11w

kind of? but also just making a point no need to be rude

Anonymous

#4 11w

Exactlyyyy

Anonymous

#22 11w

also how many legislations don’t have charges if it’s same sex sa because of those fucked qualifications. Pretty messed up.

Anonymous

#10 11w

why are we acting like those women aren’t bad people too, you’re taking away their agency and infantilizing them by acting like they’re different from men who say the same.

Anonymous

#23 11w

women can wholeheartedly believe this stuff too, people who act like women just act on what they’re told reduce women to puppets and act like we don’t have agency, which is simply not true

Anonymous

#2 11w

I mean there are people who do say that, but they are a minority and men still need to learn the time and place

-4

Anonymous

#16 11w

We actually don’t have a great sense of the prevalence of men being raped because the data on it is very bad. There are many places where rape is still legally defined as only being able to have a female victim and/or only being defined as such if the victim was penetrated, which is not how most rapes with female perpetrators happen. When men experience sexual assault and rape from women it is usually in the form of sexual coercion, which there is much less data on

Anonymous

#16 11w

There was a 2014 study looking at men and boys in high school and college that found that among men who reported specifically sexual coercion, 95% reported only female perpetrators, often who were significantly older than them and minors being victimised by adult women Now, this is not all male victims of sexual assault, only specifically on the form of sexual coercion, but to ignore female perpetrators is to ignore a significant part of the problem. No one should be raping anyone.

Anonymous

#6 11w

I don’t know what you meant, what did you mean? Men are more likely to deny the fact that men get raped but women deny the reality very often too. Iirc a study I read a while ago said something like ~60% of people who deny make victims are men and ~40% are women

Anonymous

#7 11w

That data is based on definitions of sexual assault that include only the forms of sexual assault that are least likely to be perpetrated by women. When looking at all forms of sexual assault, there was a study that showed that a little under 65% were exclusively male perpetrators, 20% were exclusively female perpetrators, and the rest were a combination of the two

Anonymous

#26 11w

Source: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.avb.2016.09.007

Anonymous

#14 11w

Yeah, it’s fucking gross. I’m guessing that some portion of the men who share their stories in response to women sharing them are doing so in the hopes of finding a more sympathetic audience, but the way they do so ends up often discounting the experiences of others instead of

Anonymous

#17 11w

I guarantee most of the men who say shit like that either didn’t experience that or are just totally in denial that in traumatized them

Anonymous

#22 11w

Yeah, it’s really scary, and it ignores the really common experience of sexual assault and rape being by way of sexual coercion

Anonymous

#8 11w

coercion is considered SA in ny which is amazing because i consider coercion so underrated, like so many people who are coerced into having sex with someone don’t think they’ve been sexually assaulted

Anonymous

#16 11w

I guess I’m in the tiny minority of people who was assaulted by a woman then. I’m trans and it was before I realized. I get the message this thread is trying to spread but it’s really invalidating

Anonymous

#26 11w

Nobody is ignoring female perpetrators. Nobody said they don’t exist. We should be allowed to point out the statistical fact that rapists are overwhelmingly men because it’s the truth. Multiple things can be true at once and I’m sick of people weaponizing rapes by women to ignore objective truths about who the primary perpetrators or rape are to deflect from attempts to address root issues.

Anonymous

#13 11w

Like yes no shit nobody should be raping anyone, nobody said otherwise. This is a bad-faith interpretation of what people are saying here.

Anonymous

#13 11w

I’m not trying to make a bad faith interpretation idk I just think this thread set off some bad internalized transphobia in me. I was SA’d by a woman and I feel like it’s not ever going to be taken seriously. Thankfully the people I’ve told were all very supportive, and supportive of my transition too

Anonymous

#1 11w

Thank you #1 you’re a good person (from a transfem who was SA’d by a cis woman)

Anonymous

#27 11w

Nah dw I didn’t think you were in bad faith. I’ve also been SAed so I get that you can’t control how trauma makes u feel. This was directed at #26 who was putting words in people’s mouths and doing what I described. I’m very sorry that happened to you and I’m glad you’ve got a solid support network!

Anonymous

#13 11w

I think what they’re just trying to say is that there isn’t actually data to support the argument that a predominant amount of rapists are men.. for example, more small dogs bite people than big dogs do, but the only bites that are reported are the ones from big dogs which extremely skews statistics. Usually small dog bites just aren’t as bad of injuries and they’re often justified for some reason and then unreported bc people don’t think it’s necessary if the bite doesn’t need medical attention

Anonymous

#13 11w

So if men are r*ped predominantly by women actually but like 90% of men that are SA never ending up saying anything let alone reporting it, we just simply do not have accurate information. From the statistics we do have maybe you can make that claim but they’re just saying we should be mindful of the bias that makes that “evidence” potentially invalid.

Anonymous

#13 11w

They weren’t putting words in anyone’s mouths, they’re just trying to add a very reasonable and important point to the discussion. It is invalidating to just continue to point the blame finger at men when that is possibly not the case. Perhaps just as many women are SAing than men. I have personally been SA by BOTH men and women, so I do think it’s kinda relevant to the conversation yk?

Anonymous

#28 11w

Alright chill in that instance they could be trying to relate to you. We don’t need to call victims bitches and it doesn’t matter how long ago trauma was, it can still affect you like it was last week. A lot of fellow victims share their stories after hearing someone else share in support so you know you’re safe and not alone

Anonymous

#10 11w

I’m sooo 50/50 on this bc I’m AuADHD and I use my personal experiences to also relate to other people but I’ve also heard people talk about how that can be a narcissistic quality to like essentially move the convo onto yourself, so at the end of the day I guess it depends how they do it bc if they’re being dismissive like “I got over it u can too” is so different from “I understand, this has been my experience too” yk??

Anonymous

#29 11w

Yeah I’m neurodivergent too and that’s what I do. I just feel like actually a lot of people do do that and it’s important to realize that. They also may be trying to offer genuine support and advice based on their experience. Which sometimes is not helpful because we all cope differently. But I think it boils down to intent. And I just felt like this person didn’t need to call a fellow victim a bitch it felt gross reading idk

Anonymous

#10 11w

All I know is I don’t like it cause most of the time it’s some old lady telling me to get over it or “that’s just how men are”

Anonymous

#28 11w

Tbf I don’t be talking to old ladies much so I maybe wouldn’t know. But truly women over a certain age are largely brainwashed by the patriarchy and literally get assaulted by their husbands and think it’s totally normal. So as fucked up as their mindset is I feel like they lived in a world where legally, your husband couldn’t assault you and it was expected of husbands to physically discipline their women. Not an excuse for being awful but I think many are victims too it’s sad

Anonymous

#10 11w

I’m when I say oldies I’m talking about my grandparents

Anonymous

#28 11w

That’s awful I’m sorry your grandparents aren’t supportive of you in your experiences :( sometimes it be your own damn people tearing you down the most. Mega felt that

Anonymous

#28 11w

I’m really sorry about that, I know how you feel my own mother ignored my experience cause he was my bf (whom she secretly didn’t like) and cause I was still a virgin which she also didnt like. She expected me to lose my virginity my freshman year of college knowing im ace

Anonymous

#29 11w

it’s estimated that over 60% of rapes go unreported across male and female victims. there’s missing data on both sides, but we can only make statistics from what *is* reported lol so that’s what I’m referring to

Anonymous

#16 11w

we should be able to discuss rape experiences without justifying ourselves with extremely flawed statistics. in fact, the tendency for sexual assault to go unreported should be one of the first things we address.

Anonymous

#13 11w

Where was I putting words in people’s mouths? The comment I was replying to specifically said “men shouldn’t be raping anybody” which is obviously true, but that phrase in the context of message writing about make victims was ignoring female perpetrators. I’m not saying that person overall does so, I am responding to the message I see. And again, the UK has set up its law in a way that doesn’t count rape by female perpetrators as rape, this is a very real position even if not one held here

Anonymous

#16 11w

We have better statistics than just the rapes that get reported, particularly in female victims since it’s more researched but on make victims too. You were citing, I assume in good faith, data about the numbers of these things that is based on studies that don’t account for make victims well and so I was correcting the record as to there being better research on that front. Again, I assume you act in good faith, I encourage you to read up on that research. I can get you a link if you’d like

Anonymous

#29 11w

There actually is data to support that a predominant amount of rapists are men, as even the well designed studies show like the one I was referring to, what there is less data to support is the breakdown amongst rapists of male victims specifically, which requires much more research but we know female perpetrators for are undercounted