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Refusing to date someone based on an aspect of their identity that is unable to be changed is bigotry. It doesn’t mean someone is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to date them. It just means that maybe you need to think about why you wouldn’t
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Anonymous 23h

I think people should be allowed to like what they like or not like what they don’t like. As long as they’re not being loud and openly discriminating against people they don’t want to date, this is a non-issue.

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Anonymous 23h

you realize how general this is 😭 this could be about race or sexuality or even saying it’s bigoted for gay men to refuse to date women… please say what you mean instead of vagueposting

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Anonymous 23h

Why? I wouldn’t date someone who’s not trans because I want to be with someone who has lived this experience

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Anonymous 23h

If you have a mirror held up and you see a yourself but then say the mirror is lying that’s on you

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Anonymous replying to -> #1 23h

Not all trans people have the same lived experience. A Californian trans person and a trans person in the UK have faced completely different struggles. You do not always have the same things in common with someone because you have the same identity 🤷 Like I said it doesn’t mean you have to not date a trans person it just means you have to examine why you think that way

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Anonymous replying to -> #2 23h

It becomes a problem when people start acting like they’re being forced to date certain people and voicing how much they don’t want to date those people to their faces, behind their backs, etc. But if people just keep their preferences to themselves and date accordingly, there’s nothing wrong with that.

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 23h

I know that 💀 I also am well aware of why I date t4t, and I don’t need to “examine why” I think that way 😭

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 23h

They gave more context here

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 23h

People refusing to date someone who is the gender they are attracted to based on identity markers they can’t control is bigotry and you know that’s what was meant

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 23h

I guess what I’m wondering is why you think this is so deep and why you care so much about how others think about their own preferences? You’re more than welcome to examine those aspects within yourself, but expecting others do this is overstepping

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 23h

t4t people want someone who Gets It, and someone who Gets It isnt every trans person but it’s always a trans person. cis people fundamentally can’t have the same experience of transition as a trans person.

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 23h

Not being attracted to certain groups of people isn’t inherently bigotry.

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 23h

Now it’s bigotry for me to only date other trans people? I thought you said we just needed to examine why we date t4t or les4les or whatever else

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 23h

no actually because I have no idea who tf you are 💀

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 23h

also, wdym by identity markers? do you mean sexuality/transness? race/ethnicity? disability? avoidant/anxious attachment? ignoring “identity markers” can beget genuine issues with compatibility for a lot of people. you’re making an extremely general statement, elaborate or provide better examples.

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Anonymous replying to -> #1 23h

“identity markers” is such an insanely general term. I think I get what they’re saying and I agree, it was just very poorly said imo 😭 like yeah if you’re perfectly compatible with someone but they tell you “hey I’m XXX” and you drop them, that’s weird asf (unless that XXX includes a quality that makes them incompatible)

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 23h

fyi I’m an aro person and atp will not date an alloromantic person. that is an identity marker that they cannot change, so should I change what I want because of that? you may have intended to say smth else, but please realize this needs a lot more clarification than you’ve given.

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 22h

I thought your post itself was totally reasonable but I also think it’s important to leave room for some amount of nuance re: marginalized people being uncomfortable with / disinterested in dating people from the demographic who, speaking broadly, oppresses them

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