Anonymous #2 9w

Yeah, this is exactly why I keep DMs off all the time

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Anonymous greenbass 9w

YES that is exactly what people are actually asking. It’s almost like they don’t think we are who we are or something…

33

Anonymous #11 9w

Bc what if I want to ask before it gets too serious? But then should I just not be trying to get serious if I’m not ok with a vag or a peen?

9

Anonymous #11 9w

Bc I’ve dated a nb person that was asexual and we never even talked about any of that, but what if I did want to explore a relationship further but im not comfy w a penis and I would rather not continue things if were both going to be uncomfy in the future

5

Anonymous #11 9w

Idk… the main thing is that you see them as a full and complete person. They don’t define themselves as “penis or vagina” so neither should you if you want a loving relationship. Obviously genital preference is a thing, but in gender diverse (nb specifically) relationships, things will never be not queer

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Anonymous #11 9w

hey im nonbinary. once its been some time getting to know each other in a romantic context, and there is a possibility of you having sex, i think its completely fine and good to ask. you deserve to be comfortable too ! lol

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Anonymous #12 9w

Yeah I don’t want to define them by that and that is why I have been open to dating anyone nb or cis bc I like the person not whats down there, and I am not a person who needs sex. Penetrative sex is just a no go for me (which I have learned recently) bc I’ve had trauma since I was a little girl. That’s why I’m fine dating someone who is asexual. But if I were to ever get to know someone and I want to go somewhere serious but they have a penis and would like to have penetrative sex then that

2

Anonymous #11 9w

Then that would waste both of our time. Bc if they were open to just oral sex then I think it would be ok or we could work towards something. But should I just not date nb people or would there be someway we can talk about that in the beginning?

3

Anonymous #11 9w

i have to say it sounds like a penis isnt whats off putting to you, its specifically penetration. and sex doesnt have to mean penetration. you can be plenty intimate without it. and queer ppl tend to be more open to non penetrative sex acts

12

Anonymous #3 9w

Thank you to all who answered. Very helpful! 🫰

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Anonymous #6 9w

What if I don’t want to spend all the time getting to know someone only to find out that sex will never be an option cause they parts aren’t right? 😅 I feel like this is something that should be handled early on right?

4

Anonymous #8 9w

Bro the way I went to bed early and woke up to ts 😭

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Anonymous #11 9w

It’s completely fine to ask!! I honestly knew why they were asking and I was lowkey just being a bitch lmfao, I usually say afab nb. Genital preferences are totally valid! I’m just fuckin tired of horny mfs hitting me up on here from non-horny posts 😭

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Anonymous #13 9w

Okay and I don’t care what they want to know so

13

Anonymous OP 9w

Which is totally fair. But if that’s gonna be your attitude about every conversation you go into, then they’re not the problem when it goes poorly 😅

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Anonymous #13 9w

Right is like, Person: asks Question You: give’s answer that doesn’t answer Person: … You: they’re the problem.

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Anonymous #13 9w

Well A they didn’t ask the right question. Don’t be a little bitch and beat around the bush, especially if you’re hitting me up from lgbt chat and should know damn well that gender and sex aren’t synonymous. B it was gonna go poorly regardless because they were being a useless fucking gooner and I have no interest in that. C the post was halfway also pointing out how batshit crazy it is to blanket statement say “nb are hot”

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Anonymous OP 9w

A. Goootcha so they need to ask “the right question” good thing their a mind reader and can know what your “right question” is 😒 and totally sex and gender aren’t the same thing. But most people don’t know the difference between bi and pan their not gonna research the difference between phychological / personal identification and sex. B. Totally fair just don’t act like their the problem for not using your special lingo. C. Totally fair… but like… I’ve seen some hot ones 🤣

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Anonymous #13 9w

Pleaseeee nb is not special lingo 😭 but yes if you wanna know my genital status you should ask that, not my gender. If I wanna know what color your hair is I’m not gonna ask how long it is. And yes I agree abt sexy nbs 🙂‍↕️ I actually think queer people in general are more likely to be hot than cishets because we live life more openly and authentically. Knowing who you are and being proud about it is sexy!!

16

Anonymous #12 9w

This is not my perspective or experience, but I don’t think its as much a matter of definition as people having legit preferences that could get in the way of their enjoyment of a relationship, like not agreeing with gender norms and feeling attraction towards presentation as any gender but still having a preference, like it seems relevant to me if you want sex to be a part of your relationship… although i do agree that this is not a cool way to open a conversation

4

Anonymous #13 9w

Well no because not everyone on here is here to goon, remember this group is accessible by sidechat essentially making this group 12+, dont hit up randos on non-sexual posts and maybe you’ll run into less problems

10

Anonymous #13 9w

Idk why this comment is singling out nb people specifically. Under this perspective, trans as a descriptor would be seen as equally poor. Trans man/woman? Could’ve had surgery. Doesn’t tell you anything. You could even argue the same with the words cis (albeit that’s more rare). So I just don’t understand why there’s an issue with nb people specifically

10

Anonymous #16 9w

It is 😂 trans tells you basically nothing especially since a lot of trans people never receive surgery.

-7

Anonymous #16 9w

Trans includes nb btw

11

Anonymous #10 9w

Valid

-17

Anonymous OP 9w

Which is crazy too 😂 I still think nb is probably worse. With trans it’s usually accompanied by gay, bi or lesbian. Nb literally tells you nothing aside from “I don’t fit into a binary gender categorization system” which is fair, but like… why would I care?

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Anonymous #17 9w

No it’s not. If you’re not going to respect someone’s pronouns, you should leave them alone.

12

Anonymous #13 9w

They literally asked my gender bro, we’ve been over this

10

Anonymous OP 9w

And like I said, most people don’t know the difference between sex and gender. Because this isn’t something they think about all day.

-8

Anonymous #13 9w

Ur hangin out w the wrong people bro, even the cishets I know are aware of the difference between sex and gender

11

Anonymous #10 9w

I only date AFAB though. Am I allowed?

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Anonymous #17 9w

You’re allowed to suck on whatever genitals you wanna suck on, and you’re well within your rights to ask someone what genitals they have if you plan to suck on them. The issue is that the stranger in my DM’s should not be planning to suck on my genitals because I did not in any way invite that.

10

Anonymous #13 9w

Huh? Not everything is about genitals. These social descriptors (cis, trans/nb) are not about genitals. Even the words “female” and “male” are not solely about genitals. If you have a genital preference, just ask! That’s totally okay, as long as you’re respectful about it. But tearing down trans/nb people because our vocab is not focused on genitals - when pretty much no social descriptor is - is pretty stupid.

5

Anonymous #13 9w

Also, no one is saying you have to care. Of course, the extent to which you comment on this post implies that you care to some degree - but that’s of your own volition. No one’s making you care and no one’s making you participate in this post. You chose to comment. If you don’t care and don’t want to care about nb people, cool - move along then.

6

Anonymous OP 9w

You’re right - apologies, I should’ve phrased this better. What I meant to say is that trans (or cis) is not inherently a better social descriptor than nonabinary.

8

Anonymous OP 9w

Am I allowed to suck on your genitals if I wanna?

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Anonymous #13 9w

Most people in this group WILL KNOW the difference between sex and gender. If someone like you, someone who keeps using “their” instead of “they’re”, knows the difference…I’m sure others will. You’re arguing nothing here and consistently keep getting ratio’d, as you should, because you’re fucking stupid

12

Anonymous #17 9w

1) Bold of you to assume ASAB = genitals. I’m AFAB but I assume you don't want to go anywhere near my newly-minted dong. 2) they literally just said that people should not be trying to get sex from people, and that is what you just tried to do. Asshole.

4

Anonymous #14 9w

There's also a difference here between "preference" and "dealbreaker," and it sounds like you're actually saying that having a penis & wanting penetrative sex (with said penis, I assume) is just a dealbreaker in a relationship (or not gonna happen). That’s something you can address really early on tbh. You can even put it in your profile if you're using a dating app. Especially since it’s about both genitals & type of sex

3

Anonymous #14 9w

Ach sorry the "you" I'm referring to was supposed to be 11, that's my bad

1

Anonymous #18 9w

Bro, calm down it’s not that deep 😂

-6

Anonymous #13 9w

My 87-year-old grandmother knows the difference between sex and gender. Asking euphamistically about genitals is covert language that obfuscates the real question. It is not direct or clear at all, and it is not a nonbinary person's fault for not magically knowing whatever tf it is someone cares about. "What’s in your pants" would literally be a clearer question. Also, it's really concerning how important other people's privates seem to be to you. That’s creepy and gross

8