LGBTQIA+ on Yik Yak | Can anyone who is demisexual or asexual explain how they figured it out? All the times I’ve had sex before felt very performative and usually uncomfortable even though I found the person very attractive. It’s like I want physical intimacy but not sex?

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LGBTQIA+ 22h

Can anyone who is demisexual or asexual explain how they figured it out? All the times I’ve had sex before felt very performative and usually uncomfortable even though I found the person very attractive. It’s like I want physical intimacy but not sex?

Anonymous 22h

I learned the definition in middle school and just kinda went “yeah, makes sense”, and it has continued to make sense for me

Anonymous 20h

I’m Demi and pan, I kinda connected the dots after learning the definition and understanding why I never had celeb crushes, didn’t have a physical type, etc. like almost everyone else around me

Anonymous 14h

It took a lot of time to figure it out. I’ve tried hooking up and while the immediate pleasure can be fun, I always have a mental block and have never been able to fully engage in it except for very rare occasions. I accepted ‘asexual’ but it still didn’t feel quuuiiiiite right as I’m not opposed to it with people I’m very close to, hence my comfort with being demi. Like, just in the last few days.

Anonymous 14h

so I'm asexual and I enjoy sex, which def made it harder to figure out. but basically asexuality is all about whether or not you feel sexual attraction, someone having/enjoying sex has no impact on a persons asexuality. so the best way to figure it out is to think about if someone's physical appearance turns you on. so if you ever get horny did the physical features of another person cause or in any way enhance it. if you've never experience that, then you're probably asexual!

Anonymous

#1 21h

That’s how I’ve felt with the label “bisexual” since middle school also, but I could genuinely go my entire life without sex probably. I feel like I lose attraction for a person when they’re naked vs. when they’re clothed. I love cuddling and (sometimes) kissing, but when it comes to actual sex it gives me a lot of anxiety and feels like I am acting my way through it. I’m also autistic and have sexual trauma so like, idk what is my natural sexuality and what is caused by something else.

Anonymous

OP 21h

I feel like what you’ve written here is all the proof you need to figure out if you’re asexual I don’t mean to come across as insensitive, a thousand apologies if it sounds as such, but I personally don’t think it matters what brought about your attitude as long as you don’t fell like it does. If you feel like you’re asexual and want to label yourself as such, that first and foremost is the most important part. Not trying to say that your sexual trauma is unimportant in any way (1)

Anonymous

#2 21h

But I’ve been told before that I may be asexual because of meds I’m on, and I keep taking them because I don’t care if different meds would possibly change me. I don’t let it invalidate me, I still choose to identify how I do. Not saying that being on meds and having sexual trauma are comparable, I hope what I’m trying to say came across alright

Anonymous

#2 20h

No I completely understand where you’re coming from. I think internally I’m pressuring myself into wanting to be someone who actually likes sex and experiences sexual attraction because I’m feeling like, idk, FOMO in a way? I need to write down a list of my various thoughts and experiences or smth to try and figure this shit out. Thanks for providing your insights!

Anonymous

#5 14h

it’s hard for me to tell because sometimes it felt like I had sexual attraction for someone, but when it came time to actually do the deed it just felt unnatural. I could find the person really attractive but “prefer” them outside of the context of sex. I realized recently my fantasies about people or characters is almost always romance-focused, but my past relationships/experiences ingrained into me that sex is a tool to receive said romance so it felt more like an obligation

Anonymous

#4 14h

Yeah your experience resonates with me as well. I’m looking into the term “greysexual” and it feels like a closer match to my experience, but part of me is also questioning if that’s actually the case or if I just had a bad introduction to sexual experiences. I only have 3 bodies (men and women) and 2/3 of them were very traumatic relationships and the one more recent one was just an “eh” hookup that didn’t feel quite right.

Anonymous

OP 2h

I feel very similarly, though it varies day to day. I personally don’t think I’m asexual because the attraction exists, but the actual act I agree is very weird and awkward. People use sex-repulsed as a descriptor for ace people who don’t want to have sex but that doesn’t really seem like it fits for me or you, imo. not sure if there’s other good terms for it