
can I ask do you think you have normal sensitivity and reactivity? like I have an arousal disorder, so I have really reduced sensitivity and it's also really difficult for partners to get me off as well. I have a specialist I'm working with to try to fix it though. but I definitely understand the disappointment you're feeling
i don’t think it’s a you problem by the sound of it !! i also have a hard time finishing and usually only do once even with oral. while it can be easy for your partner(s) to get discouraged, it helps to be very specific about how to do things, not get in ur head about whether it’ll happen or not, and try everything at least once. continue encouraging them to try !
find a specialist!! if you have vulva it's going to be a little difficult to find since that side of medicine is very under researched the easiest path is going to an obgyn and having them refer you out to a specialist. personally it took 3 doctors before one actually listened and took me seriously, but don't give up! you can also just cold call specialists near you and see if any will take you without a reference.
personally I need medication to fix this so we're currently trying out different medications and seeing what has any effect on me! like we've done an ultrasound to try to find the source, like I'm getting improper blood flow or have impacted nerves, and we may also try an mri at some point if the next round of meds don't work.
doctors can definitely help with sexual arousal disorders! think of how many pills there are for men to help them get it up, it's just not a problem that's well recognized for women. even if it's mental it might be worth talking to a doctor about because things like depression and anxiety can impact arousal but ofc you know yourself best, so do what's right for you!