Anonymous #2 11w

you’re the realist - from a trans man

57

Anonymous #2 11w

Wait, were they only your friends because you were their specific brand of gay???? Wtf im so sorry

35

Anonymous #6 11w

I guess so. To be fair, I am a cis gay men who is in a fraternity and straight passing. Since dating my bf he has helped me change my style so that I don’t give off republican vibes. I guess they were only friends with me because I gave off the vibes they liked. Some of them did end up being queers for trump and so I was very glad I cut them off.

59

Anonymous #2 11w

Im so sorry hun, your identity is valid and I’m glad to hear your bf is there for you

10

I’m not a republican. I said I gave off republican vibes because I am from the south and dress like Im from the south.

26

Anonymous #6 11w

Thank you so much. That’s very nice of you. I do feel very lucky that I have my boyfriend.

10

They aren’t a republican, and you’re getting down voted for saying we should play nice with transphobes just because they happen to be gay.

31

Funny I’m also from Boston, if anything that means you should no better.

23

Anonymous #7 11w

the whole you being into them thing just can’t be that they’re trans. just get to know them as any other guy and then when the relevance of their gender comes up ask polite questions. i’m sure they’re probably nervous too

14

Anonymous #5 11w

well obviously it’s not but i am worried that the whole “i’ve never been with a trans guy before” thing will become a burden of “teaching” me to the other person and i really don’t want that and it kind of discourages me from even trying lol

14

But you are, and maybe we don’t want those gay men in the community to begin with? Transphobes do not want to be educated. They have made a decision, typically based in misogyny, and will have to make the decision to change on their own. It’s not our job to try and educate someone and protect their feelings. If they do want to be educated they ask or do the research themselves. They aren’t being pushed away, they’re walking out.

17

Anonymous #6 11w

How would you even know? And also based on sheer numbers alone I believe it would be other way around. It would just go back to “gay rights” which is what swathes of people on twitter currently advocate for — I don’t want this to happen but I READ THE ROOM

-11

Anonymous #4 11w

And then when shit does hit the fan — those gays won’t help others because they will feel like they were excluded and bullied. It’s realpolitik

-10

you would walk out based on people calling out transphobes? babe where is the bullying? 😂 something tells me you're actually transphobic since you think that transphobia shouldn't be a dealbreaker

12

Anonymous #9 11w

Most of my gay friends aren’t transphobic, have a genital preference and know the difference between them. Some gay men don’t — some do! We shouldn’t jump to label people as transphobic it actually helps the fascists if we are so easy to divide. But there are more gay men than trans people. So we should try to keep every gay man on side.

-8

Anonymous #4 11w

So thats what you think thats about. You’re inserting a conversation no one is having. No one is talking about genitalia preferences - they’re talking about invalidation of trans men and telling trans men they aren’t gay. Your argument is irrelevant and frankly it is coming off as a sketchy excuse for transphobia within the gay community.

10

Anonymous #4 11w

that's crazy. your thinking is the reason we're going backwards. "straight cis white men will save us! they gave us rights" no. WE fought for this. "most of my gay friends aren't transphobic" tells me all i need to know about you. you don't care about trans people if you're willing to sacrifice them. that, my friend, is transphobia

11

Anonymous #6 11w

facts. no one was talking about genitalia. we're talking about a gay man calling a gay man dating a trans man straight. they're so disingenuous

9

Anonymous #4 11w

"be nice to gay men!!!" and it's literally just someone standing up for a trans person

5

Anonymous #10 11w

No one is telling you to force yourself to be attracted to someone. Stop bringing up penis when no one cares and no one brought it up - its weird. It gives, ‘I’ll respect that your gay, but I’m not gay’ - its not about you girl

14

Anonymous #1 11w

^^

11

Anonymous #15 11w

We shouldn’t be generalizing statements like anything that was discussed above, because that’s what causes these types of elementary level arguments, and at the end of the day, it’s up to the people directly involved with the situation on how to approach/handle that situation.

8

Anonymous #15 11w

As a gay man, idgaf about what straight people, other gay men, gay women, or trans people are doing in their bedrooms, because it’s NONE OF MY BUSINESS to know about it. I think we forget that just because we’re on the internet, that doesn’t mean that we automatically have a right to an opinion on everything, and not everyone needs to know your opinion on things unless they ask you for it.

6

Anonymous #15 11w

So TL;DR: we all should know less about each other as a species period, mind your own business, and let people work out their own romantic and sexual preferences amongst themselves. You do not have a right to put others down and invalidate their feelings because you don’t agree with them.

6

Anonymous #15 11w

I think OP is just trying to shout out people who don’t think like you. There are gay men (and gay women) who bash on cis people who are gay and date trans people. Because there are a lot of transphobic people out there in the community including gay people. There’s nothing there about disrespecting preferences or forcing you to date/have sex with a trans man, just saying don’t hate men that do, really.

10

Anonymous #14 11w

Well yeah, that’s fine, but that’s not how the post reads, and that’s not how at minimum a third of this thread is reading 😭😂

-4

You will see what is happening and what I am trying to steer people away from furthering by being Mao-ist style purists looking for a damn struggle session of terminologies.

-4

Anonymous #9 11w

Yes if you know 20+ gay guys you might Come across a dude with controversial ideas of what gayness is and isn’t — that’s just real life. I would be lying if I knew 100% that all my friends weren’t transphobic because I know so many gays and lesbians who honestly do have questionable moments because no one is perfect or perfectly informed.

-4

Anonymous #4 11w

And mostly when I’m hanging out with gays trans people are not a topic of conversation whatsoever so I don’t know the consensus on the topic. We are usually partying and hooking up in Ptown and there doesn’t tend to be a lot of trans men in those parts!

-4

Anonymous #15 11w

Don’t know how people misunderstand the idea of “if I am not being called out then I am not the problem” like. Like you said, it’s none of anyone’s business what people do. That’s literally the post. It’s saying “gay men, don’t be weird about trans men and gay men who date trans men.” And if you are a gay man who isn’t weird about trans men or gay men that date them, then the callout doesn’t apply to you. Idk to me it’s common sense.

7

Anonymous #14 11w

^^

5

Anonymous #4 11w

just reread this and tell me i'm wrong 🤭 you're actually fucking gross for that. you took "gay man is transphobic" and turned it into "but we need to be nice to gay men" they're not the victim in this scenario. how do you think that telling a queer couple that they're straight isn't insinuating that the trans man in said relationship isn't a man? your views are STILL transphobic and you're simply uneducated on it whether you want to believe it or not.

9

Anonymous #4 11w

"magina" in a lgbtq thread is crazy

9

Anonymous #2 11w

my bf is a cis pan guy and im trans and i feel more masculine with him than i did when i was in a straight relationship (so dating a girl)

7

Anonymous #4 11w

what is bro even saying atp 😭😭😭😭 bro’s talking in the dark

7

Anonymous #7 11w

i suggest trying to learn about the experiences of trans men/trans mascs outside of a romantic relationship. that way, you don’t have to worry about having your boyfriend teach you everything. luckily for you, social media is full of trans men/trans mascs who are willingly sharing their experiences ^^

6

Anonymous #17 11w

My bf told me basically the same thing about a year after we started dating. He said “You make me feel more like a man than I have ever felt” and to me that kind of comforting and in my head I thought “Okay you’re doing something right”

4

Anonymous #7 11w

i mean js treat them any other guy who u'd be interested in and when it gets more serious, like when you are becoming more intimate, you guys can have a discussion about comfort levels and all that. you wont come off as a chaser unless you mention something about like "i'm curious about dating a trans guy bc i've only dated cis guys" tldr; as long as your respectful, he will not get that vibe from u -a trans guy :3

4

Anonymous #2 11w

hell yeah

4

Anonymous #7 11w

Speaking from personal experience and just like everyone else has said “be mindful and be patient. Becoming friends with more queer people can also broaden your knowledge and understanding of different types of people. Additionally something specific I want to add, use the terms they give you. Some trans men like the word pussy some trans men like tdick some like dick so when having that discussion be mindful of the wordage they use and use it yourself.

6

Anonymous #2 11w

yes yes yes

3

Anonymous #17 11w

Like I said it was oddly comforting to hear him say that. He has described me as a “manly man” because I work a blue collar job and he was like “you and your coworkers treat me like a man” and I was like “Babe you are a man”. It was both a cute and a sweet tender moment.

4

Anonymous #10 11w

ick

5

Anonymous #10 11w

ick 🤍

1

Anonymous #2 11w

nah bc my boyf does this stuff for me too and it makes it sm easier to dress fem and still feel like a guy (im a femboy)

2

Anonymous #17 11w

I love that for y’all. I will say that I don’t treat him this way to make him feel like a man I’m not putting on a performance it’s just the way I am and so I am glad that me being me makes him feel like himself if that makes any sense.

4

Anonymous #2 11w

yeah i feel like the fact that you're just treating him like any other male partner is why it's so validating

3

Anonymous #19 11w

Gay men who are ace aren’t attracted to dick they’re just attracted to men so your absolutist definition doesn’t work. You’re allowed to have a general preference but gays like you who feel the need to police others identity and what it means to them is straight up weirdo behavior.

3

Anonymous #9 11w

I was quoting someone else in this thread who literally said mangina

0

Anonymous #20 11w

yeah but not all gay men are ace

1

Anonymous #19 11w

In fact it’s extremely rare for a man who identifies as gay to be ace.

-1

Anonymous #4 11w

Yea number 10 did. I wouldn’t use that term in any other context

0

Anonymous #4 11w

I want to upvote this

1

Anonymous #19 11w

So the point went straight over your head so let me make this plain and clear so you can’t be purposefully obtuse. Your definition is an absolute. The problem is there’s exceptions which means your point is invalidated. Using genitals as the benchmark fails and so the point of your comment is invalid. So how about you stop being a chronically online weirdo who policies what someone’s sexual identity means to them and live and let live? Got it big boy?😘

3

Anonymous #4 11w

So it still happens which means the example is valid even if rare? The absolute #19 dealt in failed.

3