just an heads up, using they them for a person after they tell you their pronouns is a common transphobic tactic and micro aggression

341

i am all for trans/nonbinary people and their respective pronouns! i’m just tired of people putting so many expectations on how gender identities should look. women can be bald. nonbinary people can wear dresses. just ask how they want to be addressed and respect that. i am not claiming i suffer from transphobia. but the assumption that an AFAB person with short hair is nonbinary reinforces gender stereotypes that we should be working to deconstruct.

201

I’m a very binary trans woman and it always bugs me cause I have friends who use they/them for “everybody” who always say my voice passes but call me they. But then we have friends who go by any pronouns they will constantly cycle pronouns with and when I put my foot down they’re like “oh I’ll try to remember” as if that makes it better smh. And they keep telling me I pass! It sucks!

63

another example of how transphobia hurts cis people too

37

People do this to me too and I just have short hair, honestly it’s often other queer people who misgender me more than cis het people and it’s confusing, especially since I repeatedly say that I use she/her pronouns

26

using they/them for someone when you know their preferred pronouns is misgendering :) i feel like a lot of people forget that. it’s polite when you don’t know someone’s preferred pronouns, but it can quickly turn sour.

23

i default to they/them if i don’t know but once you’re TOLD the pronouns someone uses then it’s weird to ignore that????

19

when i shaved my head twice (i used to identify as a cis woman) people used to also not respect my pronouns, so i get how you feel. people need to understand that anyone can shave their head and use any form of pronoun, and they're not hurting nothing, just expressing themself. i took comfort in shaving my head because it took away all of my bad memories of when my ex used to pull my hair, and hell i'll do it again.

13

I’m afab non-binary with long hair and I get misgendered wayyy more now that I’ve let it grow out, even by people who gendered me correctly when my hair was short(?!???) we as a society really need to get over the idea that hair length on afab people is a concrete indicator of gender

13

i have alopecia so i’m completely bald and yeah that’s super real. i identify as nonbinary so when i get called sir in public and stuff it’s affirming to me, but i have thought a lot about how if i was a cis woman it would really probably effect my confidence

12

I love having my hair short, for me it makes me feel more feminine. Someone asked my pronouns and I went “oh! I use she/her” and then the person went “nah you gotta be a trans dude” What??

11

Okay tangentially related but people do this to trans women too. This is why transphobia affects everybody and not just trans people. OP, I’m sorry ppl suck. I sure hope the people doing this aren’t what you consider friends.

9

you get me

8

not the cishet jury finding you guilty of non-binary

5

I’m a trans man who always deals with the exact same thing 😭

2