Anonymous #1 17w

So I’m gonna pose the question: how can you grow the social skill if nobody will interact with you? I’m behind the curve because I can’t force anyone to like me. I can only focus on myself for so long before uh oh I’m confronted with the realization that I still need connection beyond networking and friendships. So how do you grow that skill when either people think you’re too good for them or they feel threatened for whatever reason. By the time it “happens” I’m gonna be 40 dating like a 14yo

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Anonymous #1 17w

We also live in the context that a relationship is everything and don’t lie to me and say “well that’s not true” because it is. Love stories sell the best is music, TV, Movies, even the absence of love sells well. So even if you try hard enough I don’t think you will ever escape the idea of love as an outside force

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Anonymous OP 16w

A couple things. "Nobody will interact with me" is completely different from "nobody will pursue a romantic relationship with me" - I was assuming you had friends or acquaintances, which it sounds like you do. The skills involved in relationships with partners and friends have a huge overlap. Second, the skillset I was talking about was more about general confidence & self-awareness, which bleeds into social presentation/performance, but isn’t directly about practicing romance

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Anonymous #1 16w

More specific practical ways to build your self-awareness and esteem: journaling for self-reflection (guided journals if you don’t know where to start; pick one you like), writing fanfiction of characters --> practices characterization and awareness of how internal ideas are externalized in a way that others can see/interpret, role-playing games (D&D is a great one because it's in-person & you get direct feedback, but videogames can work for this too)

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Anonymous #1 16w

You can also try out different "people" for yourself - find a new coffee shop (or whatever) that you'll never go to again, and pretend to play a certain type of person. Rehearse with yourself what that kind of person looks like in advance, then try to act that way when you go. Are you a struggling college student, a rich tech bro, a rural rancher who just dropped their kid off at college, a CEO who just cut a good deal? Take a concept like that (and make your own) & practice "show, not tell"

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Anonymous #1 16w

Generally, you'll want to look for romantic partners in places where you already have an interest in smth, or want to develop one. Also generally, you want to dress nicely and be hygenic (I'm not saying you aren’t, but this can be a consideration if your interest involves something sweaty - not everyone's into that). And be open to being "just friends," and pay attention to yourself when people seem threatened or afraid, so you can figure out why they see you that way

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Anonymous #1 16w

To this point I should specify that romantically yeah nobody has been interested but I make friends easily. It’s just mostly women / AFAB people since I feel more secure with them but men / AMAB people I’ve only had bad experiences with. I love talking to people though I won’t shut up

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Anonymous #1 16w

But thank you I will take all of this into consideration, it’s also hard because I live in an area with pretty much only first time gays and DL guys so it’s just frustrating right now

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