
its so hard to try to balance having a complicated relationship with family like that, and having your own life, its like theres this barrier between us stopping them from seeing me and accepting me fully, it makes me feel so much guilt for living my life regardless of that. I don’t hate myself for how I am anymore. But I hate that this rift between us feels so out of my hands.
I wish i had the words to explain to them in a way they would understand, so that we could move on and treat me no different. After my first and second attempts at explaining to them, things got so bad I was worried that I wouldn’t be allowed to attend college. I practically lost any autonomy I had in those first few months following the time I really tried to find the words to explain. It’s scary to see that side of your parents.
Now that im an adult I’m worried that I’ll just be disowned like how my aunt was until she decided to marry a man. And of course she was used as an example to try and “get me back on the right track.” I really hate how traumatizing that experience was for me. As much as i’ve worked through it and college has given me the independence needed to free myself from this, every summer feels so suffocating now.