LGBTQIA+ on Yik Yak | I need yalls help, is it transphobic to only consider dating men if they were a trans man? Not in a well i dont rlly see him as a real man way but in a u dont have the same experience/viewpoints as a cishet man so i feel safer with u way.

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LGBTQIA+ 8w

I need yalls help, is it transphobic to only consider dating men if they were a trans man? Not in a well i dont rlly see him as a real man way but in a u dont have the same experience/viewpoints as a cishet man so i feel safer with u way.

Anonymous 8w

Are you trans?

Anonymous 8w

As a trans person, I wouldn’t care really. Some may feel uncomfortable with the idea of being separated from cis men, but I wouldn’t mind. It’s up to the persons preference and as long as you respect it then it’s fine.

Anonymous 8w

I don’t think it’s transphobic, but it is a big generalization to assume all cis guys would be unsafe, and refuse the idea purely on that assumption. Don’t get me wrong, plenty of men are dangerous, bigoted, or just assholes, but plenty are not, and you can tell them apart over time. t4t is perfectly valid reasoning though, and it also makes sense to play with better odds of acceptance and look for relationships in queer communities, so it doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything bad.

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Anonymous

#1 8w

yeah, im nonbinary but on hormones

Anonymous

OP 8w

thats t4t to a tea (pardon the pun)

Anonymous

OP 8w

That’s t4t I wouldn’t worry too much, idk I’m wary of cis people who only date trans men but as a trans person I’d be more comfy with a trans person than cis. Like I’m a lesbian but I wouldn’t date a cis woman. Like she just wouldn’t get me fully

Anonymous

#5 8w

Idk why you're getting downvoted. OP didn’t say they were looking for t4t for the shared understanding/experience but directly said it's bc they see cis men as naturally more unsafe. Like idk if it’s just me but I wouldn't date or be friends with anyone who I thought would be unsafe, cis or not? & tbh I wouldn't hang out w/ someone who said all cis people are all inherently more dangerous than trans people? The ppl who have hurt me most have been trans 😅 causing harm isn't innate to identity

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Anonymous

#7 8w

well i definitely never said all cis ppl are inherently dangerous but even if I did I dont think its crazy for a trans person not to want to necessarily interact with their oppressors but thats just my opinion

Anonymous

#7 8w

I don’t know either, I assume people are incorrectly thinking I’m going “but men can be trusted 🥺” or something My only point was that generalizations are inherently always imperfect

-2

Anonymous

#5 8w

Its less about men specifically and more about cis people as a whole, i personally dont like dating cis women either but in my experience they atleast are a little more open minded even if they dont fully understand

Anonymous

OP 8w

So you want to date someone open-minded (& not transphobic), that's normal. There’s a difference between having a preference for trans people and never dating someone specifically because they're cis even if you like them and they're cool. And going into interactions thinking that cis people are probably clueless & dangerous & trans people are probably aware and safe can be really dangerous and isolating

-2

Anonymous

#7 8w

I don’t think we actually disagree here, it sounds like the words we're using have different meanings between us. It makes sense to go for safety, but it doesn't make sense to discard someone because of their identity when you already know they're safe. & you don't need to give anyone you're not interested time to prove their safety to you.

-1

Anonymous

#7 8w

yeah i dont just automatically assume all trans people are good people, they are just more likely to understand confusing gender thoughts that i dont feel like having to explain to a cis person. I also dont know where ur getting dangerous from I dont think every cis person is gonna come and kill me 😭 i still feel safer with my community though

Anonymous

OP 8w

yeah, that’s totally valid, I wasn’t trying to say you did I think we’re on the same page, I mostly just mean that if you find an accepting cis guy that you would otherwise be interested in, and already know him well enough to know he’s safe and understands you, the safety concerns no longer apply. You’re absolutely still free to reject him out of a preference for shared trans experience.