Wish that I never made it alive out of that accident. Or question why I’m still alive. Even the accident has left me lowk traumatized. I still see it in my head like it happened just now, and whenever I get into the driver’s seat to drive, for atleast a good half hr - 1hr my legs won’t stop shaking bc of how anxious I feel. Driving is the only thing that gives me true peace. I haven’t acc felt alive since that day, and as more time passes on I j feel more and more broken and dead on the inside.

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I’ve tried therapy and meds. I thought I was getting better w handling things. I ended up realizing that all it did was numb everything out. The pain never acc left. It was j hidden.

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God I wish I had a gun so badly all this would’ve been over on the day of my 21st tbh. I need a gun so bad atp I genuinely wanna delete my existence. I wish I had the power like doctor strange to make everyone forget that I ever even existed. N then I would take my life. That way nobody would know or remember me, n I couldn’t hurt anyone else. Just myself, so I can finally put an end to everything

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Ik this is v much a rant im sorry but i j needed a place to

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My own life doesn’t even feel like it’s in my control anymore. Seriously. Nothing about it does. N I’m so tired of feelin like this. N feeling so alone mentally.

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I kinda j want everything to stop. And end permanently. I’m rlly rlly tired.

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Damn I rlly needa take it to the notes app im sorry u guys

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