I know this probably sounds stupid because it did to me for 18 years, and I don’t want to push religion or anything, but even if you think nobody out there loves you (which they do), Jesus always does and always will. He is with the broken hearted and those crushed in spirit. If you reach out to Him He can heal you. I understand being wary and maybe not wanting to, but when I was at rock bottom I reached out to Him and He saved my life.
I get that but he doesn’t. He wants you to reach out to Him. He genuinely loves you and cares about you and if you try to build a relationship with Him, He will do everything to work for you. All you need to do is let Him in. It might take a long time, hell it did for me, but it works I swear.