
I have type II, and one of the things people who only know the surface of bipolar don’t realize how bad mixed episodes can be too. The only times I have even contemplated kms was during my mixed episodes. I thought I had severe anxiety and ADHD for years until I was put on Wellbutrin and I had my first known hypomanic episode. When people make assumptions about bipolar and that the highs are amazing, and sometimes they can be-
Both ppl with Bipolar I that I've known would always fervently deny that they're manic, specifically explaining that they're extremely depressed and/or $uicidal. Like yeah. Those things tend to go hand in hand. But the myth is so deeply entrenched in the fabric of society that it's even lodged itself into the skulls of people WITH BIPOLAR I WHO EXPERIENCE MANIA 😭
I will usually tell people what I think my first hypomanic episode was. When I was in my mid teens when shutdown started. I somehow convinced myself I was going to be famous. I didn’t even have social media. I just thought I was the funniest, most talented person in the world and it freaked me the fuck out. I did not want people to know anything about me, I didn’t want them to invade my privacy to the point I had convinced myself that it was already happening
I couldn’t sleep for days and on the surface it just looked like severe anxiety, which I was already diagnosed with. But I couldn’t sleep not just bc of that, but bc I had too much energy. I did everyone’s laundry at 3am, I cleaned my parent’s kitchen, I was up till 6am doing that when my parents woke up. I don’t remember how long I was like that. But I remember I couldn’t stop crying during it, and after I was so miserable.