I understand what you mean. I have found myself in this position. I had trouble communicating my thoughts/feelings as well. What I found helped, was that I clarified that these were not actions that I was physically planning, but instead expressed where my mood and headspace was at. If you have a good therapist, they will understand and help you

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Shit me to but think of anyone or something that would miss you and hold on to that , for me it’s my kids . It’s torture cause I don’t want to be here but I’m forced to cause I don’t want to leave my kids

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And don’t say that to your therapist because they are required by law to tell your business

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