Anonymous #1 15w

honestly i could use some advice bc i feel like it’s taking over my life

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Anonymous OP 15w

The shortest version is… I think limerence is powered by 1) loving something in others that we wish we had in ourselves 2) the addictive feeling of uncertainty, it’s like a dynamo that generates energy 3) ability to fantasize (made possible by keeping that hope alive) and building up an imagined persona for them 4) an unfortunate tendency in some cases to *avoid* asking a person out when they are technically eligible to date, because we are too afraid of the fantasy being dashed

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Anonymous OP 15w

I admit that’s not advice, it’s just my thesis lol. Limerence has lots of challenges for sure, but what are the ones that have you most hung up right now?

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Anonymous #1 15w

i guess my main challenges are how to spot it early on so i don’t get too deep and it doesn’t hurt so much when i realize i have to stop… i also want to figure out the root cause so i don’t jump from one limerence object right to another bc i feel like i literally can’t have one day of peace. sometimes it makes me feel like im drowning and there’s no one to save me bc no one gets how bad it is

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Anonymous #3 15w

i didn’t realize my dms weren’t on for the post but i just turned them on :)

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Anonymous OP 15w

At least for me, I think the root cause is the points a couple of comments ago, and also the ability to feel absorbed in love while being “safe” from actual commitment and disappointment. I always get limerent for unattainable people. Are your LOs people you could theoretically date, or unattainable people (married, celebrities, bosses, etc)?

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Anonymous #1 15w

usually unattainable ppl since it’s hard for me to build connections, but most recently it’s this guy i’ve been talking to for a while who i think might be my only sorta friend (contrary to my claim in the OP). i developed a crush on him a couple months ago and it spiraled into something else. i think he’s maybe considered liking me back a little but i’ve been in an unhealthily obsessive state that’s not simply crushing.

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Anonymous OP 15w

I think being limerent for someone you could theoretically date has positive potential! Imo, the key thing is to actually ask them out, or otherwise directly ask if they’re interested in you romantically. It’s really hard to break through and risk rejection, but I think taking away the uncertainty will take away some of limerence’s power, or at least be a healthy step to willingly allow the fantasy to be replaced by reality. (And he may even say yes)

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Anonymous OP 15w

But if you actually hope to date him or become closer to him, DON’T “confess”! No long heartfelt letter, no sitting him down to explain everything you feel about him, no explaining limerence at this time. If you do think there’s any potential to date, try to ask him in a casual and straightforward way. You could say you really like spending time with him and you’re wondering if he would be interested in dating.

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Anonymous #1 15w

If you get a positive answer, that gives you time to allow him space to gradually have his attraction grow in a way where he feels equally invested in the relationship – not intimidated by knowing he is put on a pedestal. And if you get an answer that feels painful, at least you know more than you did before, and you can take your next steps from there

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