Anonymous OP 1w

“hi, I love you, good morning” just sandwiched in there so he can see it but has something else to respond to rather than having to ignore it or lie. At night it’s “night night, I love you, sweet dreams”, if I feel like I need to say it in the middle of the day then it’s usually “I love you, wyd” just making sure there’s a conversation there besides just saying it so he has something to respond to

5

Anonymous OP 1w

He has ptsd, did, and is autistic, and I’ve got autism and ocd so our relationship is always a little different than normal and I know this definitely wouldn’t work for some people but I think it works for us, at least for now

12

Anonymous #1 1w

What can happen in people who have PTSD is their emotions turn off randomly over small stress things.

15

Anonymous #1 1w

Yeah it usually happens after days where he has to be around his family (they were very abusive) or when he has bad flashbacks or triggers

11

Anonymous OP 1w

That sounds about right. I’ve got the emotional detachment stuff that happens when I get stressed out due to confrontation.

12

Anonymous OP 1w

Definitely not saying you should stop saying you love him during those times, and I think you’ve put a lot of thought into how best to accommodate that by sandwiching it in so he doesn’t have to respond, but do you think during a time when he is more feeling, you could ask what he wants? Just to understand his comfort level of hearing it when he can’t bring himself to respond. Though I do think the fact you’re not putting pressure on him or making him feel bad for not responding helps!!

10

Anonymous #1 1w

i second this, i also have PTSD from adverse life experiences and my emotions also shut down from triggers and stressors/when i need to focus on just surviving and getting through. what’s funny is that im originally a very emotional person, but the things ive gone through have trained me to feel unsafe to be emotional so my brain now “protects” me by shutting off emotion. ive also had the same convo with my bf as OP, where ive told him that although i might have periods of time where i feel -

10

Anonymous #3 1w

detached and it’s hard to access my emotions, it doesnt mean i love him any less; it’s my personal battle and that doesnt change my love for him. it was kinda scary to figure this all out on my own at first especially bc i didn’t understand why i was feeling shut down and worried about if my love for my bf was changing, and i really didnt want to be accidentally showing him less love than i intended to :( + i completely relate to the haze feeling 😞

8

Anonymous OP 1w

replying to this as well (sorry if im sending too much) but im also a bit relieved to hear someone else that struggles to say “i love you back” because i seriously struggle w this too 😞 and i feel terrible about it but thankfully he has been understanding esp after we’ve had the same convo. (also my bf and i are also both autistic!) some things i do to say “i love you” back or in general, are stuff like head/body gestures, facial expressions, bumping my head on him softly, a little happy sound-

7

Anonymous #3 1w

- and if we're texting, i send a little gif of a cat hugging, a lil emoticon like ^U^ or >w<!!, or any affectionate cat gif honestly! (also since ur both neurodivergent idk if u guys also have the urge to affectionately bite/nom but i do that as well!)

8

Anonymous #3 1w

I have a tough time with words but I always can use a hug so when I’m feeling detached and my wife says “I love you” I just give her a hug in response.

11

Anonymous #3 1w

definitely ask him if he prefers to respond in a nonverbal way !! nonverbal communication is very helpful in times of detachment and shutting down

7

Anonymous #1 1w

that’s very sweet 🥹 i do this too! and also im a bit relieved to hear from others who experience this too :( thank u for sharing

7

Anonymous #1 1w

We’re long distance while I’m away at college, we’ve been together for nearly six years and the majority of it has been long distance so we’re used to it, it does limit the amount of nonverbal communication we can have, I tend to use movie night as my way of getting more attention and spending time together

7

Anonymous #2 1w

The hard part is he feels guilty when the emotions turn back on because he sees it as him ignoring me, the first time he told me it was because theyd shut off and later they came back and he told me he felt really bad that he didn’t respond back to the I love yous

6

Anonymous #4 1w

Please explain to me why I would ever leave my partner of almost 6 years, my best friend of 11 years?

12

Anonymous OP 1w

the best thing you can do for this is to reassure him that you understand why he hasnt been responding, and that you still feel his love even without him saying it back (if that’s true ofc!) and also reassure that him showing it in other ways works as well!

5