Ok maybe that’s not even true I’ve been ruining my life regardless of how conscious I’ve been of it and one day I’ll be in a better place and realize how much time and resources I’ve completely wasted fuuuck

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I also have OCD that will literally burn it down to the ground before it cuts its losses and I cannot stop hurting myself I’d rather burn alive than feel pleasure because as soon as you’re comfortable that’s when you start to lose everything and one day you’ll forget and never remember

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I’d rather hold on than let everything slowly drain away and be lost forever because of being trapped in a house that just constantly tries to break me down until I’m just a meek idiot

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So I’ll keep being rammed out of my groove until my teeth are worn down to the nerves and then my nerves are worn down to the bone and then surely I will finally feel so bad I’ll have the energy to escape

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I don’t like this

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