I can’t even get 2 people to come to my birthday what makes you think hundreds of people would come to my funeral genuinely? It’ll be entirely performative. None of them cared, they just care about looking like a good person. Same thing happened when a classmate committed in HS. All the popular girls pretended like they knew who he was.
even people who didn’t know my sister well came to her funeral because they recognized that her life was valuable, not because they’re being performative. i wasn’t close enough to her to tell she was hurting, and that is my biggest fucking regret. but if she had said something, i would have known and i would have been able to do something. i hope i don’t come of as rude, but the only way you’ll get better is if you choose to try. people will not know you need help unless you tell them.