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Smut ONLY 12w

_bloom_24

 First ever smut, please leave constructive criticism in my DMs!
#bloom🌸
13 upvotes, 10 comments. Yik Yak image post by _bloom_24 in Smut ONLY. "First ever smut, please leave constructive criticism in my DMs!"
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Anonymous 12w
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Anonymous 10w

Rather than directly saying “I feel degraded,” I would think about a way to describe how she’s feeling which hints at the degradation without overtly saying it. Remember the first rule of writing: show, don’t tell. I also found the clit thing jarring. There’s tension being built and then you jump to that, it eliminates any mystery or suspense, like a balloon being popped.

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Anonymous replying to -> _bloom_24 12w

Okay notes: 1: consent check absolute C3BRUS seal of approval 🦭 2: you do a good job building tension and giving the reader sensation. The “throbbing” of her clit is very visceral, but it’s also used twice at short intervals. I’d use another word, or description for example, the second time you could use something like “I bucked my hips against the bed to get that delicious friction through the lace, pushing my ass up into his lap”

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Anonymous replying to -> _bloom_24 12w

3: sentence length, if you want to see sentences that are too long, check out my recent post, it’s really good writing, but I have LONG sentences. You have short ones. Long sentences make scenes feel slower, short ones make them ever fast. We even read short sentences faster. 4: separate out your dialogue on new lines. If you want to be professional, separate out the dialogue. (See my post for examples)

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Anonymous replying to -> c3brus 12w

5: a little context would be nice, even if inner monologued (why is she being punished?) example: “I bite my lip as another sharp slap hit my ass. Fuck, I know the photos I sent riled him up, but he really wants to teach me a lesson this time.” 6: this one comes with practice you have “look” “notice” and “look” in the same paragraph, condense or change them to be other words.

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Anonymous replying to -> c3brus 12w

Ex: “I catch his gaze from across the room, the sharp smirk creasing his face as she pushes out of the chair. His feet fall heavy on the hardwood floor as he strides toward me, my green irises reflected in his dark pupils. His voice is smooth and rich, a deep rumble that bypasses my defenses. He grabs my wrist with possessive annoyance and I flush, knowing what’s about to happen. “Follow me.” I oblige, letting him drag me into the bedroom. My body heats up with excitement as he pushes me onto..“

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Anonymous replying to -> c3brus 12w

That’s an alternate way to do it.

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Anonymous replying to -> c3brus 12w

I give a fair bit of criticism, here, but I do my best to be constructive, this is really just how I would edit this if it were my own piece. This is good, and you have ✨totally✨ won me by using healthy consent.🫶

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Anonymous replying to -> c3brus 12w

I have some more thoughts if you’d like, but this is good 👍🏼 keep writing, you’ve got real potential!

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Anonymous 12w

Sorry thought I responded! Yes of course! I can do my best!

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