Everyone knows I messed up. I haven’t gone to a 12 step meeting so my mental health state is unstable like it has been for years. I went on an amazing cruise for a week all the way to Jamaica. I had the most fun in my life. I’ve only worked for two days since my vacation and I see feel the darkness and self defeat coming back. I promised myself that I wanted to keep a happier lifestyle after the cruise. I learned about myself. I am losing grip