that patriarchy expects men to be emotionally distant and disconnected from eachother so there’s not as much community among especially straight men since they are promised the most from patriarchy and adhere to it most strictly even to their detriment

20

It could mean a number of things, the first two things that came to my mind are that 1. You long for normalcy/community/being accepted or 2. You could be nonbinary

11

two ideas: 1. you're experiencing the lack of community between men, and since you grew up in community with women you're in the position to make that unfavorable comparison. 2. you say you wish you could be cis. why can't you? you could quit hrt and detransition, but you might not want to because of some other reason within your head that outweighs the lack of community. as is often said to teachers, remember your why.

6