Honestly, if you've been together for four years and they haven't told you, don't ask. a lot of people are fine with their deadname, some people hate their deadname, everyone has a different relationship with it and it's really a personal individual thing. if they want to share, they can, but don't ask

24

it is pretty disrespectful tbh, but i understand your sentiment. i think you have this idea that their current name isn't their real name, which i don't think comes from malice just misunderstanding. it really isn't your place to know that, and until they're comfortable with sharing it, don't ask.

19

if you’ve been together 4 years and plan on staying with them i don’t think it’s disrespectful to ask. if they’re uncomfortable telling you, i wouldn’t pry. but if it’s still their legal name, that’s kinda important to know if any type of emergencies happen

6

we are discussing getting married and our future. i want to be with them for the rest of our lives and have children. i feel like that’s a pretty long time and a big commitment. i’ve told them all of my secrets i just have been wondering. is it weird that i don’t know their legal name after being their soulmate for four years?

3

ofc i won’t ask if it’s disrespectful. since i’m cis i don’t fully understand the complexities of having a deadname so i’m hoping maybe someone can give me an answer.

3

i wouldn’t ask. they aren’t hiding it from you because they don’t trust you. they’re hiding it because they have such a bad association with being called that name.

3