Anonymous #1 1d

I would never tell my therapist about this. No shade whatsoever to any trans person, but I feel intense personal shame about this. It makes me feel like a freak and that people wouldn’t like me if they found this out about me. It’s weird to live with this secrete. I want to be a woman sometimes because I’m jealous of all the different fashion options they have, I absolutely love how different and variable they can make their styles. I also think they look prettier than men

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Anonymous #1 1d

Being a woman would mean I look that pretty. I also like the sense of sisterhood they have with each other. I also just like the social role of being a woman better than a man, I have great disdain for the expected personality traits and social roles men are supposed to fulfill in America

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Anonymous #1 1d

I think it’s a bummer I can’t shape shift because that means I’ll never get to be a woman. I think it’d be so fun but I’ll live and die never having that experience. Bummer

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Anonymous OP 1d

No shade at all. In fact I think a lot of trans people relate to the feeling of shame and being a freak. Not that it’s necessarily the same as your situation, but the emotions are similar. Identity is hard, and self discovery is hard!

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Anonymous #1 1d

I hope this isn’t a rude question, but if you’re trans is there a sexual component to it as well? Like I said I don’t think I have gender dysphoria, that’s what makes it confusing, but the active sexual fantasy is what is disturbing me. Like the idea of being forced to live as a woman, especially if I looked like a cis woman and everyone thought I was one, is so enticing. Both sexually and not

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Anonymous OP 1d

depends on the person. for me i enjoy watching the same stuff but the overall nonsexual joy of being able to feel like im hot shit is more of what gets me out of bed, rather than back when i felt more like a man and felt that envy for women in terms of the potential for self expression

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Anonymous divineolivine 1d

Thanks for taking time to respond. I get so self-conscious and feel like no one will respond and I obviously can’t talk about this with anyone irl

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Anonymous OP 1d

Nah it’s all good, I try to be a pretty open book where I can For me i definitely felt more comfortable in my sexuality after I started transitioning. It felt so much more natural and way less forced than when I was living as a guy

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Anonymous OP 1d

of course! your experience sounds very similar to mine so i resonate with a lot of your feelings. like i didnt get gender dysphoria before i started transitioning, when i was just meeting the expectations of who i was supposed to be, so i didnt really understand how it felt to have it until i actually experimented with self expression and felt that euphoria and the lack thereof it when i boymode

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Anonymous divineolivine 1d

the feelings coming up as late night yearnings for me as well was a sign that when im less encumbered emotionally (which happens when youre tired), this was something that i actually wanted

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Anonymous divineolivine 1d

I think it’s more that it happens when I’m alone with my thoughts for a long time, and when I do masterbate it tends to be towards night time so that causes me to feel some shame over the whole feminization thing. I’ll never transition, I don’t think I would enjoy it and the social isolation would ruin my life. I also know I wouldn’t pass

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Anonymous OP 1d

I don’t want to put words in your mouth so correct me if I’m misunderstanding what you’re trying to say, but it sounds like most of your problems with the idea of transitioning isn’t necessarily the transition itself, but rather how people would react. You mention the social isolation, and being clocked as trans due to not passing. But those sound like concerns about how society reacts to trans people

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Anonymous OP 1d

change is scary and thats what made me hold off for almost 3 years after recognizing these thoughts, but i believe that you can find people who will support you, no matter how you end up. i mean like youre on here! also passing isnt necessarily the goal, the goal is self expression

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Anonymous #1 1d

I guess I don’t really feel a strong urge to transition. It’s being a cis woman I find appealing, not being a trans woman. Nor do I relate to the stories trans women tell of their gender dysphoria. I have no big problem with having a male body nor do I feel trapped in it or anything like that. So since it’s not causing massive dysfunction in my life like someone with dysphoria I see no reason to blow my life up

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Anonymous OP 1d

every trans person I’ve known so far wants the power to shapeshift, you’re very real for that

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