Anonymous OP 3w

How you act on a date is an obvious charade. People’s politics tells you more about a persons character

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Anonymous sproutguy 3w

They’ll ask me who did I vote for or where do i lean. I’m all about honestly so I tell them the truth and then the convo immediately dies. They don’t even ask why I voted. All the respectfulness and niceness from me doesn’t count anymore. I’m just this racist evil bigot devil now.

0

Anonymous OP 3w

Not you specifically don’t mean to attack you, I mean you generally speaking

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Anonymous OP 3w

Like guys act chivalrous, girls get dressed up nice, talk in a higher pitch, act more bubbly

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Anonymous OP 3w

Even if a guy is kind and pleasant, one of my criteria for dating is his values and priorities, which are revealed in his political beliefs.

5

Anonymous OP 3w

When you say “all the respectfulness and niceness from me doesn’t count anymore”, what exactly do you mean? Because as far as I’m aware being nice and polite is like the norm, and you do it regardless of response?

1

Anonymous OP 3w

I mean if you said “I voted Trump and regret it” I’m sure they’d love to hear you out. If you’re unapologetic and genuinely believe that what’s happening is good, then yeah my guy the average person in America would disagree with you. He has a very negative approval rating for a reason.

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Anonymous #1 3w

I don’t go into the relationship with that mindset. I go in thinking even if we are different we can make it work. My ex was a democrat and we were able to put politics to the side. Plus she knew my true character and that I wasn’t a bad person.

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Anonymous OP 3w

if you at least regret your vote for all the shit he’s doing that many republicans don’t like i would say that

1

Anonymous OP 3w

Did you two have a strong connection before you were dating?

1

Anonymous OP 3w

I’m sure you’re not a bad person either. At worst, misguided. Feeling chastised by society

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Anonymous #1 3w

I don’t regret voting for trump but also I don’t agree with everything he says and does. I’m not a mindless drone. Obvious some shit he does is wrong but at the end of the day we only had two candidates and everybody is gonna vote for whoever aligns closer to them politically

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Anonymous sproutguy 3w

No I mean going beyond just being nice and polite. Being a real gentleman, depending on the girl bringing flowers to date, making sure he’s okay, and many other things that girls appreciate

0

Anonymous OP 3w

Yes I understand, just the way you phrased it before with “just doesn’t count anymore” made it seem like you had been doing these acts subconsciously maybe in order to get something in return, hoping she’d like you more instead of just doing them for the sake of doing them. When these acts become transactional, it only serves to push you further away from being an actual gentleman

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Anonymous sproutguy 3w

Furthermore, I lowkey think it’s just not that deep. If they don’t wanna date you then that’s their choice, you can’t force somebody to like you especially if they find that your politics or moral compass do not align effectively with theirs. Their perspective and values matter too man

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Anonymous OP 3w

I’ll try to paint this from their perspective: Imagine you’re very pro guns. You live out in the woods where bears frequently try breaking in for food, so you need to scare them off. Your way of life can be completely changed by anti gun policies Then you start dating a girl and you find out she supports gun bans in the US, and that she thinks she’s justified in her stance completely (akin to being confident in your vote) While you might not get as emotional, I’m sure you’d realize that…

1

Anonymous OP 3w

…having to convince her to realize her way of thinking is wrong in order to comfortably live life with her may not be worth it for you

8

Anonymous OP 3w

I get if all you consume is right wing/leaning media that you could think everything going on right now is amazing, and that anyone against it is against america. But if all you watch is left leaning/leftist news, you’re going to think everything going on rn is horrible and that anyone in favor of it is supporting the downfall of democracy

1

Anonymous OP 3w

So: having to bridge that disconnect requires tact, moreso than just logic would give you.

1

Anonymous OP 3w

It requires you to be in the shoes of the person you’re trying to connect with - to see the world from their perspective, to see their perception of things from their perspective, and to explain to them why your perception of things doesn’t fit in with the negative perceptions they may have

2

Anonymous OP 3w

your (general you, not YOU you) political stance can reveal a lot of what you believe in. some people dont want to disagree morally like that.

9

Anonymous OP 3w

From a woman’s perspective we sometimes have to make snap judgments about a person’s character based on politics because of safety reasons. Did you vote for trump because of x reason or because you’re a dangerous person who has misogynistic ideas about women? Do you just like his economic policies or do you take advantage of his platform to abuse us? The fact that you’re associating yourself with people we perceive to be dangerous sets off a red flag

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Anonymous #8 3w

Yea… if I was a woman I’d be suspicious of dating someone who voted for a convicted sex offender. The only reason the crime was civil and he’s not in prison is because of the NY statute of limitation. Not saying you’re personally a bad person but I’d at least be inherently suspicious of someone who’d consider that acceptable.

13

Anonymous #10 3w

It’s not even just that either. If im going to date you I need to know that you will have my back if im raped or if I need an abortion. I need to know your views on gun control because my experience with gun violence is a big part of why I am who I am. I need to know where you stand on lgbt issues because I have gay and trans loved ones. I need to know how you feel about science because that’s my career. So if you say you you voted for trump that’s a signal that you don’t value what I value

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Anonymous #8 3w

This is exactly it

4

Anonymous #8 3w

I will always have your back if you are raped. And the gun control is tricky because I’d probably shoot your rapist with my gun. I don’t play.

1

Anonymous #8 3w

And I don’t personally agree with your gay and trans friends’ lifestyles, but I would stay in my own lane and never make them feel uncomfortable out of respect for you. If anyone ever tried to harm them, I would stand up for them and treat them as if they were my own friends.

1

Anonymous OP 3w

For many women, it’s not just about whether you would have her back or shoot her rapist, but if you would have the back of all women in those situations by voting and supporting policies in their best interests. It’s the difference between being possessive and protective over “your” woman, vs promoting rights of all the women you’ll never meet.

4

Anonymous OP 3w

So just as a heads up this might be something that if I heard it on a date it would be a dealbreaker. Because I don’t need you to respect my friends for me, I need you to respect my friends and family because they deserve that respect. I have enough relationships in my life where I have to play buffer between the gay person and the conservative relative and I don’t need more. And that’s totally ok for that to be a different value that you have, its just a natural consequence of different values

6

Anonymous OP 3w

This is a really interesting perspective to hear. A conservative man trying not to make my queer friends feel uncomfortable *out of respect for me* would certainly be better than not trying, but it is far from the kinds of values i would want in a man I would share my life with. It’s like a man being willing to protect his wife, kids, and animals but not willing to protect society… it counts for something, but is not the kind of character I’d really look up to.

1

Anonymous #8 3w

Yeah I get that. But also that doesn’t mean I I will never be able to respect them for who they are, especially once I get to know them. My ex had a gay and a lesbian friend and I’m still cool with both of them. Initially I’d be doing it for you and my mind can always change

1

Anonymous #3 3w

even if we have different values the point of a relationship is to grow together. So some of your values will rub off on me and some of mine will do the same.

1

Anonymous OP 3w

and that’s where we differ. I don’t believe in such a thing as learning to respect identity. Treating people with respect is something that I hold to be very important because it is a core tenet of my Christian faith. And to me that means respecting someone’s identity even if you don’t understand. Genuine question tho have you considered just trying to date more conservative women? Like I don’t understand why you would want to date someone that doesn’t have the same morals as you

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