Anonymous #1 4w

Exactly!

3

Anonymous #1 4w

I already have, I’m on dating apps and stuff but I just don’t really leave the house.

-3

Anonymous #2 4w

Yeah, it’s probably just my social anxiety but eh

1

Anonymous OP 4w

If what you’re doing isn’t working, maybe time to start changing things up. You can def start small and baby step your way up. It’s possible dude, you’d be stunned if you knew how many times I’ve been rejected, it’s all worth it when you find someone it works out with. At least for a while bc not everything lasts, but that’s how it goes!

11

Anonymous #1 4w

True, there’s just not many places to find someone and the places I do go to there’s barely any women. It’s hard to find friends much less a romantic relationship where I live.

5

Anonymous OP 4w

Yea I see that over by me too. People as a whole are becoming less social in public spaces which sucks. I often end up going over to the next city to go on dates and find girls. Meetups are a cheat code though. clubs, teams, crawls, classes are good for meeting people in general but the main thing is you have to go in right and let yourself be authentic. That was my biggest struggle, to get out of my head and just be present

7

Anonymous #1 4w

Yeah same. I’m literally moving just to be able to find guys in my area bc I hate apps and want tot find them my doing activities

5

Anonymous OP 4w

Why don’t you make the situation comfortable early on? Like say “I really don’t want to make you uncomfortable with this question, and just know it’s absolutely ok if you say no, but I just thought you were really nice and was wondering if you’d like to go on a date? Again, no pressure.” I’m sure any girl would be chill and not feel creeped out by that

5

Anonymous OP 4w

P.s im a bi girl and pretty girls make me nervous too😂 I feel like I can’t even hold eye contact lol

5

Anonymous #4 4w

Idk I still don’t know if I’d want to do that because the only place I see women is the store or a like a restaurant and I don’t think women want to be asked then.

1

Anonymous OP 4w

Expand your horizons. What do you like to do? The grocery store could be a place but also people might be rushing around

1

Anonymous #2 4w

I like to go to a comic book/tabletop store and books a million to look at the light novels and manga and stuff

1

Anonymous OP 4w

I tried to set up a dnd campaign but it didn’t work

1

Anonymous OP 4w

Also tried to join a Buhurt group near me but closest is like 2-3 hours away

1

Anonymous OP 4w

Are there events there?

1

Anonymous #2 4w

Not really, most of it is bars and I can’t drink (messes with my medicine) I live in statesboro Georgia, even tried apps meant for events and the closest was in Savannah.

1

Anonymous OP 4w

Ah yeah that can be rough. The gym maybe? Honestly I’m in the same situation, idk if it’s possible for you but I’m moving lol (to dc). I want to be more social and put myself out there, but there isn’t a “there” to go to? If that makes sense

1

Anonymous #2 4w

Yeah, idk I’m too awkward and have seen too many videos of women not liking that

1

Anonymous OP 4w

I mean idk it depends, even if they didn’t want it if you’re respectful it should be fine. We’re in a public space, people may talk to you. I’m awkward as well

1

Anonymous OP 4w

Me personally, I don’t really think it’s appropriate to ask out people in random settings. It shows you only care about looks, not personality. If you want to find someone you connect with, first you gotta connect with a person, get to know what they’re like, THEN ask them on a date if they seem chill. Don’t forget, female strangers could just as easily be psychopaths too👀

0

Anonymous #4 4w

Oh well that’s what I meant to lol. Asking for their number and getting to know them. But also, wouldn’t a date just be that? Getting to know them

1

Anonymous #2 4w

I feel like dates are more reserved for contextualized settings, where it’s been officially made apparent that the other person is seeking a romantic relationship, is attracted to you, and is mentally sound. Like, tinder is a good place to set up dates, because people on there are up front that they are looking for relationships. The grocery store is not a good place to set up dates, because people going to grocery stores aren’t “putting themselves on the market” so to speak

-1

Anonymous #2 4w

And you can absolutely get to know someone prior to making it a whole “romantic” thing like a date.

1

Anonymous #4 4w

I don’t think the same way. Idk if I want to date them, bc idk them yet. I’m open to dating tho. I don’t like dating apps, for me people act weird and I can’t tell their vibe beforehand. I don’t think it’s bad to just go up to a girl/guy and ask

1

Anonymous #2 4w

I just feel like there’s so many reasons why approaching someone randomly in public might backfire, the biggest being that you’re a stranger and they’ll feel on the spot. Some people might have trauma from SA and will feel defensive immediately. Or someone might have a sexual orientation they won’t feel safe sharing. I just think it makes more sense to search on apps, where the people who match with you have consented to being approached, and have time to read your bio, look at you pics, etc

1

Anonymous #4 4w

Not to mention there’s been so many instances of women being attacked in public simply because they said no politely. Coincidentally, there was a huge influx of serial killings/ kidnappings pre-dating app era, so maybe it’s good that society is slowly moving toward a process that favors an initial screening process instead

1

Anonymous #4 4w

I mean agree bc I’m a girl, but I’ve been on dates where the men seemed fine, but were weird when I met them in person. I presently think it’s better to meet them first in person, but that’s me. That’s a them problem they need to fix. Also-the trauma from SA is bad but how will the other person know? Not even from a dating standpoint, someone may ask you things in public-even if they are a strange r

3

Anonymous #2 4w

That’s fair! Apps aren’t fool-proof and there can be a wall before you meet the first time! And that’s the point, the other person wouldn’t know about trauma in advance, but that’s where something called social mindfulness comes into play. It’s being in tune with the fact that certains environnements aren’t good places to pick up people, for those potential reasons.

2

Anonymous #4 4w

I mean ofc who doesn’t know that? If you approaching a girl at the train station, waking alike at night , etc that’s not alright but there’s no way of knowing someone will have been affected like that. It’s more fair to assume. If it’s a public area with a lot of people it should be fine.

1

Anonymous #4 4w

It was really upsetting, my best friend was SA’d last year and it totally wrecked her. She couldn’t go to the gym alone— I had to go with her— because she had so much PTSD. When guys approached her in public, even without the wrong intentions, she’d get so scared and the lingering trauma would darken her whole day. And of course the guys wouldn’t know this, but ig it’s just an example of why someone wouldn’t want to just be approached in public by someone asking for a number.

1

Anonymous #2 4w

I still think that mindfulness and respect for other people’s potential need for peace should trump your want of having a meet-cute in public.

1