Anonymous #2 14w

I hear that, I think the conversation gets buried because people hear those concerns and it gets mistranslated to: “oh, so you just want female attention because you’re an incel” and it dies there. To me it’s about: “I don’t even know if I have worth/value as a man; the last compliment I got was 6 months ago, I think there’s something wrong with how I look/act but I have no idea how to test/confirm this.”

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Anonymous OP 14w

Yeah, there's just a lot of blanket resentment between the genders that doesn't accomplish anything except producing more in/femcels prolly because of social media as well as the general lack of face to face social interaction. I've always thought of men and women as essential to one another, balancing the other's unbalance and imo we're just becoming more unbalanced as a whole. Like as a man, I really love women and am really saddened by the fact that some women hate me fundamentally I'm man

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Anonymous #3 14w

That depends what you mean by “regularly”. If you’re taking it from the perspective of how often women compliment each other, then it’s a fraction of that, maybe even less

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Anonymous OP 14w

Even then it’s more about getting compliments from women, which almost never happens to guys. When it does happen we treat it like a treasure, keep track of when it happened and remember what was said to us.

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Anonymous OP 14w

do you think you guys would feel better if you complimented each other more regularly? i think that’s what helped get my confidence up a bit more. I started to think i was ugly or undesirable because i never get compliments from guys ( ik that shouldn’t matter but it did affect me a bit) but getting compliments from my fellow girls has helped me feel good about myself. Idk just a thought.

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Anonymous #3 14w

It’s an honest question, but if that was a real thing that would have helped we would have applied it already. Let’s say my friends say I’m handsome and attractive, but I go out and get negative reactions from women, I will reject the prior compliments. Men do not process compliments from other men the same way women process compliments from other women. It sounds pessimistic but that’s how most of our brains are wired. In lieu of compliments we will ‘hype’ each other up.

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Anonymous #6 14w

Met that person that just kinda “gets” us. A good man, or at least a successful, attractive guy, is who wins the game. Sadly for guys, there’s a lot of ways to be mediocre… and just be passed up for being who we truly are.

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Anonymous #5 14w

That may work for women, but it’s not something for men. We aren’t wired that way or else we would have done it already.

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Anonymous OP 14w

I think I understand where the confusion comes from. When I said we rarely get compliments, I mean from women. The whole issue is surrounding whether or not we are wanted/desired. Compliments from other men aren’t going to fix that, nor is it going to improve our confidence

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Anonymous #7 14w

Hey, that means a lot. The most we can do is be there for one another. Even if theres no love life, at least most of us have friends. Make sure to check in on your crew every now and again

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Anonymous #7 14w

Thanks

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Anonymous OP 14w

Why not?? Why does it matter less just because it comes from a man, and why shouldn't it be put entirely on women to improve male confidence? You say men aren't wired that way, but that's just wrong. Haven't you heard of the goodnight trend? This is just wrong. Men should be capable have having deeper friendships with other men, and not put ALL of that in their girlfriends or wives. It's not fair to them.

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Anonymous OP 14w

All I’m saying is perhaps women don’t feel as isolated because they’re able to have emotionally deep conversations with their friends and they all compliment each other and gas each other up.

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Anonymous OP 14w

If youre just not “wired” that way maybe you should self reflect and change that - coming from a man

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Anonymous OP 14w

Also, much of womens’ experiences being “wanted” by men is just harassment, so the grass isnt always greener

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Anonymous #5 14w

and what i'm saying there is no reason men can't do the same? especially in ways that you'd know you'd respond best too like not in the way women would compliment each other. like it's sad if you can't be emotionally deep with ur friends

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Anonymous #6 14w

Kinda going through life with just me but I do check in on my brothers. But your original post is spot on I feel like. Society’s standard of value of a person shouldn’t be based on their physical appearance but as who they are as an individual

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Anonymous #8 14w

It’s perfectly normal to question if you’re attractive to the opposite sex, it’s just that men will struggle with this a lot more than women. This is why men hate being open with our feelings, we say what’s wrong and it blows up in our faces. I got downvoted because I simply spoke about these feelings; this is why we keep it all inside, people want to hear it but they don’t like the answers.

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Anonymous OP 14w

Men need to get better about opening up to other men and being someone other men feel comfortable around. Its on us to be better for ourselves

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Anonymous #5 14w

Partially, yes. The other 50% of the population surely needs to help too

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Anonymous OP 14w

so what do you think the solution is if you guys can’t compliment and comfort each other like women can?

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Anonymous #2 14w

100%. More men also need to understand how to take no for an answer so women feel less threatened

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