Anonymous #1 19h

If your energy is being focused on telling women they should’ve taken more precautions and not the fact that they got assaulted and need support, you’re just victim blaming (which supports rapists)

10

Anonymous #1 19h

women are more than aware of the risk of being raped. we are so aware of it that men ALSO get mad at us for being cautious around them. like other comments have said people of all ages and genders and levels of caution are raped. at a certain point it makes no sense to focus on the behavior of the victims vs the actions of the perpetrators

6

Anonymous OP 18h

I’m not sure I understand how NOT focusing on some aspect of a situation can make you a blamer of any kind. If someone gets into a no fault car crash and they die flying through the window because they wore no seatbelt, saying they should have worn a seatbelt is victim blaming? If that is victim blaming then how can we address every issue within any situation because most things are not absolute or single fault. The death in the car crash was not singlehandedly the crashes fault.

-3

Anonymous OP 18h

exactly

6

Anonymous OP 17h

I agree entirely I don’t think any victim should be told “I told you so” that would be horrible. But i would also point out that the fault of the crash is on the fault of the driver but the fault of the death is shared. OBVIOUSLY this is not immediately parallel to rape. The fault of the rape is always the rapist, but the fault of the preceding events can be shared, no?

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Anonymous #4 17h

The fault of the rape and the reasons why the rapist thought they should commit rape are entirely on the attacker, not the victim. There is NO justification for rape, it is ALWAYS a violent and unnecessary crime.

6

Anonymous #4 17h

this isnt a good way of thinking. women are cautious, but things still happen babies get raped. elderly women. corpses. children. animals. women in hijabs. should they share the blame too? NO. that energy needs to be directed at the abuser. society would be better off if men held other men accountable. but like the very first post said, men for some reason spend more of their time focusing on what the victim was wearing, where they were, etc etc.

8

Anonymous OP 17h

I agree that is not what I’m saying. But you can’t get raped if you’re never in the room with a rapist. And I would say the majority of rapes were unavoidable… but there are situations where there is like a… “why did you even go in the first place” situation and that is when I think maybe the victim needs to wisen up to avoid repeats.

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Anonymous #5 17h

My way is the best way of thinking!!!!! (Joke) ofc things happen even when you perform preventative measures, just like you can die while wearing your seatbelt. But would you say that ANY time spent addressing how a person could have avoided a rape is time wasted?

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Anonymous #4 17h

You’re literally blaming rape victims right now because they can’t read people’s minds to know which ones are planning on raping them or not. And it’s not always planned out, sometimes it happens out of anger. Many rapists are people’s own family members. You never know who is potentially dangerous, are you saying women should just avoid being around men entirely?

3

Anonymous OP 17h

I am not blaming any rape victims. Again I said it is always the fault of the rapist. Again most of rape is unavoidable. However I will make a hypothetical to illustrate what I mean. A girl gets raped… she knows the rapist and knows that he is a rapist… he asks her to come over alone she gets raped again… how many times should she keep going over alone until maybe she should be told not to go over. Obviously this is quite on the nose but similar things happen. The rape is never the victims fault

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Anonymous #4 17h

And I would say even in this situation the girl is not at the fault of the rape but she can definitely avoid further rapes, no?

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Anonymous #4 17h

your logic is seriously odd. should women just not do anything ever? should we stay inside and not go to college or ever party or have fun? should we all wear hijabs? oh wait! women who wear hijabs get raped. women who dont go outside unless they have to still get sex trafficked. children get touched at family cook outs. the argument you're making is really really mf weird

2

Anonymous #4 17h

The only time something similar to your hypothetical happens is when a woman is stuck in an abusive relationship and doesn’t have a safe opportunity to report him or exit the relationship. Instead of blaming her for going back to his house I would let her vent to me and ask her if she would want me help putting an end to everything. You say you don’t blame the victim but that’s all you’re doing, rape is a CHOICE made by violent people

2

Anonymous #5 17h

Quote me saying or implying no women should ever do anything. I actually specified a situation in which I was referring to.

0

Anonymous OP 17h

Yes it would be an abusive relationship I agree. And I would also offer to help. But after 100 rapes how many more must I hear before I tell her to stop going over?

0

Anonymous #4 17h

You can suggest she stops going over but if she can’t do that, you just have to be there to support her.

1

Anonymous OP 17h

Is it not supportive to show someone what they can do to stop something. Because you have indicated before that all energy must be spent on the abuser, what if you can stop the abuse by the abused? OBV NOT ALL SITUATIONS. But in the case one can simply stop interacting is it wrong to say so?

0

Anonymous #4 17h

Because in a situation like that she probably can’t just stop going over. If I suggest not going over and she informs me how abusive this relationship is and tells me she can’t just stop, I’m not going to keep pushing her to try it and potentially put herself in even more danger. Instead, ask her how else you can support her during that time

1

Anonymous OP 17h

Can you propose a hypothetical where it is literally impossible to stop? I can maybe see the “I have no job he supports me” but then why not get a job get a place or straight up go to a shelter?

5

Anonymous #4 17h

Some men will threaten to track and kill women if they think about leaving their relationship. If they know enough about you they could easily figure out where you move to, who you’re in contact with, or where you’re trying to work. Without a lot of money she probably couldn’t move far. Also the job market is very awful right now, finding new jobs is hard. Sometimes shelters can be full or unsafe.

1

Anonymous OP 16h

Ok I agree with that but I don’t agree that saying anything at all that the victim could potentially move outside of the situation (if ofc the above is not known) is not wrong. A lot of the “victim blaming” is punishment for that exact action. It is punishing ignorance instead of teaching.

1

Anonymous #4 16h

We shouldn’t punish people for making mistakes or not immediately knowing the best way to get out of a dangerous situation. Offer your advice, and if it won’t help them, just stay by their side and let them know they can come to you if they think of anything that could help. Sometimes just having someone to talk to about something can help if there’s nothing else they can do about it in that moment

1