Anonymous #1 9w

Yeah.. It sounds very bad to an outside person. It’s hard to explain unless you think in that way or have interacted with people that think in that way

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Anonymous OP 9w

Explain it. I’m an open-minded person. It’s just hard for me to give advice when I’m not given the context of the issue

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Anonymous #1 9w

I guess a simpler way of putting is that she is very religious and doesn’t want me to be in a relationship with a guy that is not our religion.

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Anonymous #1 9w

Gotcha. A lot of people interpret it as her being antisemitic and it sounds like I’m making excuses for her by explaining that it’s not quite that.

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Anonymous #1 9w

She has a problem with him being Jewish, which sounds really bad, but it’s more that she has a problem with anyone that isn’t Christian dating me. She just doesn’t word it very well

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Anonymous OP 9w

Alright, understood. My honest advice would to just be to ignore it since you don’t want to end the friendship. You won’t get the approval of everyone regarding your relationship, and so why should it matter? It’s YOUR relationship, not hers. If you’re happy with him, I don’t see why this is something that should bother you?

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Anonymous #1 9w

And I know that dating outside of the faith is usually regarded as not wise or even a very bad thing. She didn’t express concern when we were just going on dates and getting to know each other, because she thought I’d break it off with him

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Anonymous #1 9w

That makes sense. I think the reason it makes me upset it because she’s not just some person but one of my closest friends. It’s easier to accept disapproval from people I’m not spending tons of time with. I know it might be impossible with this situation, but I’d like to be able to share my happiness with my friends

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Anonymous #1 9w

It’s also hard for me to feel friendly/enthusiastic about our friendship because I feel that she is being closed minded and unfair. I just feel resentful. He has been nothing but a gentleman around her and despite knowing she doesn’t want him in my life, he is still very warm and polite to her. It confuses me

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Anonymous OP 9w

I get it. But you have to understand that you’ve done nothing wrong. She needs to figure out her own issues as to why she can’t seem to accept him when he’s done nothing wrong. This is a her problem, not a you problem. I know it affects you because she’s someone close to you, but at the end of the day, it’s your life, not hers. You and her aren’t going to see eye to eye with everything. Ignore her and continue to be happy in your relationship.

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Anonymous #1 9w

Now, if she starts to impose, then that’s when you need to start considering about cutting her off

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Anonymous #1 9w

Ok. That’s good advice.

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Anonymous #1 9w

She does impose, but unpredictably. It confuses me very much. She seems to like him for a while but then will out of the blue start a serious conversation where she tells me she is seriously concerned about my life choices, and that the right thing to do would be to leave him.

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Anonymous OP 9w

If there’s no valid reason, she might not be as good of a friend that you think.

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Anonymous #1 9w

The thing that complicates the situation is that she and I see things differently. She thinks she has a valid reason, and thinks that she is being a good friend by doing the difficult task of telling me things I don’t want to hear

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Anonymous OP 9w

OP, it’s not complicated at all. You’re actually over-complicating it only because you value her as a friend. Her issue with your bf is that he’s Jewish and not in your religion. Even if she’s telling you this in “good faith” and with no ill-intentions behind it, it doesn’t change the reality. She’s exhibiting bigotry. I’m not saying this to be judgmental, it’s just the truth.

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Anonymous OP 9w

She can think that she’s being a good friend, but the reality of the situation is that she’s trying to push you to leave someone who treats you AND her right and with respect all because of her views on his background. She’s projecting her biases onto you. This is why I said this is a HER problem. She needs to change her problematic biases and views on people. But I just really want to push onto you that you shouldn’t let her dictate your happiness.

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