LGBTQIA+ on Yik Yak | also when straight women refer to me as their “gay best friend”… like I can just be your best friend why is my sexuality important here?

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LGBTQIA+ 1d

also when straight women refer to me as their “gay best friend”… like I can just be your best friend why is my sexuality important here?

LGBTQIA+ 1d

being a girl doesn’t make you gay and it kinda pisses me off when cishet women try to lay some sort of claim to queer culture. you are a visitor here, pay respects to the queer (and often poc) people who actually create and maintain queer culture

Anonymous 1d

They call you that because it’s important to them that you’re non-threatening; a straight best friend is likely to overstep, ask for sexual favors or have undisclosed romantic affection, that kind of thing

Anonymous

#1 22h

doesn’t make it less fetishizing or weird. i think that’s why straight women often over step is because they’re used to straight men not respecting their boundaries and queer people generally do so they just assume our safe spaces must be for them instead of just being places where they’re not going to be harrassed. but when you think those spaces are for you you stop putting in effort to make sure you’re not the one being weird or lowkey bigoted

Anonymous

#1 22h

a lot of women who say stuff like this assume that because there are parallels between the oppression of women and that of gay or trans people means they’re on the same level and don’t think about the fact that they might not be a safe person for us even if we’re safe for them. get this a lot as a trans woman when cis women call me their “scary dog privilege” or ask me to protect them when we go out as if i don’t have my own shit to worry about as a clocky trans woman

Anonymous

#2 22h

I never said it makes it less fetishizing or weird, I just provided an explanation. But like, I think it’s weird that you immediately jump to the idea that cis straight women are invading queer spaces? Like maybe it’s just me but I tend to see people complaining about that, and never seeing it actually… occur.

-4

Anonymous

#1 21h

that might be because you’re not in irl commercial queer spaces like bars and clubs. not really a thing in activist spaces or underground spaces (punk shows, flea markets, artists collectives etc) but it’s definitely a thing in more accessible visible irl queer spaces like gay bars and some clubs that are less oriented around kink

Anonymous

#2 21h

That’s a good point, I’m mostly in activist and artistic spaces (as an observer, I have no talent and get frustrated easily lol). Thank you for your explanation!

Anonymous

#1 21h

yeah the artistic and activist spaces i’m in don’t have this problem as much because they’re not as appealing to cishet women just looking for a safe space (for understandable reasons, however they often make the space less safe for the queer people it’s ostensibly for). and the non-queer people who end up in those spaces are often more aware/familiar with queer culture and also have people they know who will check them or keep them in line if they do some out of pocket shit

Anonymous

#1 21h

also i bet you have more talent than you think and giving up on yourself is the main thing holding you back. it’s ok to make bad art. bad art is awesome actually

Anonymous

#1 15h

right but that’s just what a best friend is. instead of labeling me as the gay best friend, I think they need to have more discernment on who they call best friends in general lol

Anonymous

OP 15h

Sorry, maybe I need to rephrase. It is to signal to other women that you’re safe, non sexual, etc

Anonymous

#1 15h

right but like “best friend” itself should mean that. It’s not my fault straight men ruin friendships lol

Anonymous

#1 9h

sure but they also need to be worried about being safe for the queer people in their lives instead of just assuming that queer people will always be a safe space for them without having to think about their internalized biases or bigotry

Anonymous

#2 24m

Again, I’m not excusing it, I’m just explaining the phenomenon.