Anonymous #2 11w

I agree, I’ve learned it’s the principles of non-monogamy that resonate the most with people. I found this Reddit post that explains the mindset perfectly in my personal opinion, would love to share it here!

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Anonymous hermatcha 11w

Please share!!

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Anonymous #2 11w

That makes sense! Thank you for the explanation!

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Anonymous #4 11w

That’s understandable!

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Anonymous hermatcha 11w

And here’s the link if you need it! https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamoryadvice/s/qSpvWVaae0

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Anonymous hermatcha 11w

Thank you!!!

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Anonymous #6 11w

For some ppl, it’s a lifestyle. They may feel just fine in monogamous relationships, but not see a REASON why they have to limit themselves to one partner, or why their partner should do the same. They learned about another option (polyamory) and decided to explore it, and liked it. They may even be comfortable becoming monogamous again if they fall for someone who prefers that. It may not cause them distress like someone who considers it their orientation.

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Anonymous #6 11w

You hit the nail on the head PERFECTLY!

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Anonymous #6 11w

For some ppl, it’s an intentional choice, rebellion, or social statement. They may resist the societal norms that get forced on us, the expectation to have relationships in a very specific way (monogamous, but also straight, romantic, sexual, involving cohabitation and kids, etc) and the punishment we get from the general public if we deviate from that. They ID as poly bc it represents something they value, like resistance to societal values or the importance of choosing what works best for YOU.

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Anonymous hermatcha 11w

Yayyyy :) (Also yea single people can be polyamorous! It’s something you choose for yourself, like calling yourself bisexual or Christian, even if you’re not actively “living out” that polyamory by having multiple partners *right now.*)

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Anonymous #6 11w

The “do whatever works best for you and your partner” approach is also why polyamory can look so different. Some poly relationships look like a throuple where 3 people are all dating each other, but exclusive to one another. Some have two partners, both of whom also have OTHER partners. Maybe they all hang out, maybe they know very little about their partner’s partners (metamours). Their metamours may ALSO have other partners. Some have one person who’s polyamorous, who wants to and DOES date—

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Anonymous #6 11w

—other ppl, but the other partner is monogamous, and has no interest in dating anyone other than their current partner, but doesn’t mind that their partner has other partners. The important part— just like sex— is that everyone is consenting and everyone is enthusiastic! Whatever makes you and your partner happy, even if it looks weird by societal standards 🤷

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Anonymous #6 11w

(Also hi! I’m OP, I’m in one relationship currently with my aroace girlfriend. She’s not really into romance but she likes me so she sticks around anyway. :3 I’m excited to move to a place with a bigger queer community so I can explore having a boyfriend, I’ve never gotten to be in a gay relationship before. I’m happy to answer any other questions if you have em!! I’m kind of an open book and in case you couldn’t tell, I’m super passionate about polyamory :) LMAO)

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Anonymous #6 11w

You get it! And polyamory falls under the Ethical Non-Monogamy umbrella besides Open relationships, swinging monogamish , and relationship anarchy. Which are all other relationships styles that include dating more than one person!

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Anonymous #6 11w

And I LOVE THAT FOR YOU OMG! That sounds like an amazing dynamic! Inspiring!

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Anonymous #6 11w

Thank you so much for the thorough explanation! I was honestly asking because I’m currently in a monogamous relationship but have previously been in a polyamorous relationship and find myself happy in either but wasn’t sure how to define that or if it would be wrong to call myself poly or not. I used to say I was poly but since being in a monogamous relationship I was nervous to continue using that label

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Anonymous #6 11w

I had asked in a poly community over a year ago but their response was that I would need to break up with my bf if I identified as poly and he didn’t because I would inherently be unhappy in a monogamous relationship, so I was under the impression that it was seen as a constant thing and not a flexible label applying to people who enjoy any kind of relationship.

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Anonymous mother_russia 11w

I think that depends on the person some people ik are fluid with it and it’s a communication in the relationship. Because when poly people say you have to only either get your partner to become poly or only get with poly people then eventually you’re gonna get a good part of the poly community that was just given an ultimatum be poly or break up. So like if you’re poly but your bf is not then you can either have the monogamous relationship

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Anonymous #1 11w

Or convince him to be in a poly relationship. Or maybe you do something like where you can have multiple partners and you don’t really tell him about it because he doesn’t want to hear all the details and you can make a schedule. It’s still ethical because the bf is informed that you’re doing something but you’re also respecting his boundaries.

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Anonymous mother_russia 11w

Basically i know poly people in no relationships and i know poly people in a monogamous relationship and they’re still happy. I know mono people in poly relationships and they’re still happy too. I once was poly but then i realized that I was masking my own issues and i wasn’t truly poly

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Anonymous #1 11w

Honestly it’s all a lot more complicated than I thought it would be

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Anonymous mother_russia 11w

All relationships are complex because it’s dependent on people and when you’re poly the people is an unknown variable that can exceed 1 and each person makes it that much more complex because maybe you (x) and y gets along and you (x) get along with z but y and z don’t really get along that was until you through in v who kinda is the bridge for y and z but v is allergic to your cat and just got a job offer in Quebec and z might leave you to go with v. People are complicated

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Anonymous #1 11w

I meant the label more than the relationship but that’s very true too

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Anonymous mother_russia 11w

Labels are socially created by groups of people. People ruin everything and anything because we are all so complex

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Anonymous #1 11w

You are beyond real

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Anonymous #1 11w

That’s very true

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